Not only is the number of abuse cases very high, but statistically only based on what is reported. With numbers as staggering as they are, and knowing there are so many more out there suffering in silence, chances are you know someone who has been abused, and you don’t even know it.
“Sometimes you just don’t know, what you just don’t know, until you know it.” – Me.
We are really good at hiding the abuse, hiding the pain, and either hiding being pissed-off or leaving others wondering why we are always so angry, aloof or numb.
In releasing my book, “Why Bother? Because Self-Help is Never Stupid,” my story, I am still surprised by those who are coming clean and sharing their story with me now. I say to myself, “hmm…now I know why that person showed up in my life.”
Just because someone hasn’t broken the silence, doesn’t mean they don’t still feel the effects of sexual abuse. Even when you learn to step beyond recovery, the trauma lasts a lifetime.
We are living in a world of ignorance. I am reminded of this as I heard a whisper, “why would you want anyone to know. It’s like telling the whole world.” While I am way past, giving a crap about what anyone else thinks, or protecting anyone from my personal story for that matter, it is precisely this type of comment that makes a victim feel worse. Until we step beyond recovery, we feel even more shame, embarrassment and humiliation then we were already feeling.
It’s precisely this type of ignorance, unconscious communication that shuts someone down. The words are clearly unconscious, as when you listen consciously, you can hear that it is only said because of the discomfort it creates for the verbalizer to think about, let alone allow his or her self to step into or observe what the victim actually feels like.
There is no justice or healing in being silent. Justice is not a blame game or about revenge. If we are to heal, evolve, and transform, we must stop and face this demon, not hide it.
Then there is the person who says, “I just let go” and expect you to do that too when they haven’t got a clue what you are feeling. That is not about you. These people often live from a perspective of denial. You can make a conscious choice to recognize that, be appreciative and grateful that they came into your life to show you this. From here grace and acceptance begin to fill our awareness and incorporate into your consciousness. Breathe in the sense of peace that comes with your new-found awareness. Remind yourself if you are going to hold onto anything, hold onto that peace which comes from conscious knowing as your true guiding light.
Becoming consciously aware, lets us say, in our head, “bite me, asshole, you have no clue what you are talking about,” instead of saying it in our out loud voice.
Two songs for you today: Ian Janis – “Breaking Silence” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9LRR_9D89ks&feature=kp and Pat Benatar – “Hell is For Children” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MxYsi5Y-xOQ