Chiming in on the Duggar’s; Indifference Towards the Severity of Molestation

Chiming in on the Duggar’s; Indifference Towards the Severity of Molestation

Of course, there is a lot of controversy surrounding the Josh Duggar molestation scandal. I’m going to take Jason Easley from Politicususa’s side: Fox News Interview Backfires Instead Shows Why Duggars Should Never Be Allowed Back On TV by Jason Easley. And…I’ll give some credit to Stephanie Marcus’s contribution to The Huff Post, for trying to present in a non-biased way Jim Bob And Michelle Duggar Break Their Silence In First Interview Following Child Molestation Scandal by Stephanie Marcus. The best credit goes to InTouch Weekly, and Carly Sitzer. Keep the “Freedom of Information” act flowing; InTouch Weekly Report on Josh Duggar by Carly Sitzer

Go here for the video version: Video Version of the Blog

Seriously, one thing is really simple, SILENCE, is what has perpetuated the cycles of abuse of any kind. I don’t care what age you are. Abuse is passed down through generations until someone decides to stop it. My readers, and now listeners know that I like to laugh through chaos, but one thing that isn’t funny is the devastating trail of pain that gets left behind an act of abuse, molestation, or assault.

 Abuse is dysfunctional, and often turns into multiple kinds of abuse. Saying that God or Jesus came to forgive, only perpetuates the cycle. We have free will, and a choice to stop, or end this kind of behavior. The Duggar’s want to preach, well the bible says this;

Revelation 21:7-8 ESV / 6 helpful votes
The one who conquers will have this heritage, and I will be his God and he will be my son. But as for the cowardly, the faithless, the detestable, as for murderers, the sexually immoral, sorcerers, idolaters, and all liars, their portion will be in the lake that burns with fire and sulfur, which is the second death.”

I find this sickening. Like many survivors, I AM estranged from the people who made excuses for abuse, allowing it to be acceptable, so they could remain in denial, avoiding the responsibility to deal with the issue. I heard them use God, religion, forgiveness, and more, as excuses for doing nothing to help me recover. I was supposed to “just get over it;” words that trigger revictimization for survivors. Often victims are rebuked for speaking up, which is not an expression of love or support. Dismissal and indifference toward abuse is a sick way of showing love.

The girls (Josh’s sisters) may have said they don’t remember, however, I know from personal experience that this type of thing resurfaces at some point in life. The Duggar’s minimization of  Josh’s behavior, and the imposing of their beliefs, is exactly what has caused so many victims to not speak up. This also proves the point that there are often multiple types of abuse occurring, which complicates the issue, in this case sexual abuse compounded by religious abuse, compounded by imposed family belief. It goes on, and on. This is a big cluster *&#@ and makes me want to vomit.

If they have any real sincerity, when it comes to getting help, I’ll give them minimal credit, but only minimal since they have minimized the severity of what Josh had done. Child or not, he knew it was wrong and made the choice.

I try to be a kind, loving, gentle, and compassionate person, BUT this time I have to say this…may they all burn in their own living hell. Another thing, with all those kids in the house, you can’t tell me some of them didn’t have curiosity influenced by what they heard coming from the parent’s bedroom. Talk about “do as I say, not as I do.” Expectations need to be considered here.

Here’s you song for today: Break the Silence – Nick Jonas

Would You Firewalk to Prove YOU ARE LIMITLESS?

Would You Firewalk to Prove YOU ARE LIMITLESS?

Firewalking, Rebar, Glass, and Arrows; what do these things have in common? Well, they all played a role in a Firewalking workshop I participated in this past weekend, facilitated by Phoenix Transformational Services from Las Cruces, NM, and hosted by the Southwest Institute of Healing Arts, in Tempe, AZ. Thanks to both; it was a great event, and turned out to be much more than a firewalk.  

I know a lot of people who would say, why would you even want to try that? Well, I have lots of reasons why I would walk fire, but I still don’t think I’d swim with Sharks. Hmm…I just realized that’s a metaphor for another book, one I’ve never read, but I like the title. It also occurs to me that I may have swum with a few sharks or maybe a barracuda (save that as a song hint). 

What can I say, I’m a bit of a pyromaniac at heart, and I am a fire sign. I’ve got lots of stories involving fire that would strike a few questions. When I got the e-mail advertising the Firewalk, I got hit with an intuitive spark. Suddenly, it occurred to me that I was severely burned before I was 2 years old, and still carry the scar today. Me, being me, always alert for cues and enjoying word play, my next thought was, Hmm…that burn scarred me, but didn’t really scare me. 

Likely it was 2nd degree, but who knows it could have been a 3rd. I had a cup of scalding, hot coffee spilled on me, and all I remember is my mother saying that the skin peeled away when they took my shirt off. Like everything involving my family, not much else was ever said, and even if you asked, the answers were ambiguous or sarcastic. After a while, you quit asking because…well you know; it becomes insane. I am fairly certain I’ve finally let go of wondering how I ended up in that family. Remembering my parents were fond of instant coffee (yuck), and how the water was always scalding hot, and having other memorable burns throughout my life, I can only imagine how that burn must have felt.  


Working with abuse, and the trauma it causes, I still often ponder what causes one memory to stick, and another to have little or no relevance. It also occurred to me that even with all the conscious, unconscious, and energetic journeys I’ve taken to embrace the emotional impact sexual abuse has had on me, I’d never really explored this burn event. It was natural for me to accept that it was truly an accident without malicious intent, because that is the truth, but the scar is there to remind me every day that it happened. Knowing what I know now, there likely were unconscious elements challenging feeling safe and protected, particularly at such a young age. I’m certain it was some sort of set up for the future, and time for any unconscious remnants to leave. 

With those thoughts influencing me, I didn’t hesitate to sign up. I also realized that I have been burning myself physically and metaphorically my whole life. That was one of those “of course” moments, since I see it as more evidence pointing to a definitive connection between the mind, body, spirit, how we create, how we store experiences and their impact in our bodies. Along with that is knowing that what we create unconsciously is there to offer us hints if we allow ourselves to see them. Something was showing up, asking to be released. It actually would make more sense to say transformed, since fire is a representation of transformation. Regardless, it was time to stop burning myself, believing that I always get burned, and that I tend to burn myself in many ways. 

So did I have to ritually, walk the fire to prove to myself that I could? No, not really. It was more about being in action, and having the experience. It was an opportunity exercise in humility, and an opportunity to be an active participant in my own life, experiencing what being limitless feels like. I chose to show up for myself. I’ve always been fascinated by seeing others perform extraordinary feats that defy typical human comprehension. I know it’s more than just mind over matter. It comes from a deeper level of awareness, and breaking down outdated belief systems.  

Having already practiced getting into altered states of consciousness, I showed up with no fear of walking the fire. However, when we were presented with some other challenges, like breaking an arrow with our throats, my comfort zone was a little rattled. Now, this might sound silly to some of you, but I wasn’t so rattled about breaking the arrow, as I was deciding and stating what breaking the arrow represented for me. In other words, what fear it was that I intended to break through. I’ve broken through so many, but with all integrity, I have a few still hanging around. Like being overly concerned about setting my intention in a calculated and precise manner, as if it were life and death. It’s not like I don’t have pages of carefully thought out intentions written down already. Maybe I was rattled in just picking one. Silly.  

Truth be told, my biggest fear is of being alone. Even though I summoned the courage to walk away from my ex-husband, I still hear the ex’s voice saying, “if you ever leave me, you will die alone, because everybody hates you.” My ego says, “if you end up alone, your family will have been right about you the whole time. You should have just remained their target of belittlement, and kept your mouth shut about the sexual abuse. They see it as you being the only one with the problem.Plus there is still the memory of that nasty voice saying, “what makes you think you’re so special.” Granted, I know it’s all lies and b.s., but the ego slips in once in a while to test my commitment to defeating the issue of abuse. It’s not an unbending, stubborn stance, as my family sees it. It is a dedication, and commitment to transformational change that is absolutely possible in a limitless capacity within realism.  

Still, when I decided it was my time to break the arrow, I didn’t say I wanted to break through my fear of being alone. Instead, I said I wanted to break through my fear of being heard and noticed, which has to do with more successfully putting myself out in the world to write, speak, facilitate and teach about breaking through all types of abuse using conscious awareness. In all reality, it is connected to being alone because it is their voices that are still causing me a small amount of fear, but in an ever reducing proportion to my determination to assist others eradicate the after-effects of their abuse. Even though I know I am not alone, the physical act of breaking this arrow with my throat, metaphorically offered a representation of what I needed to never feeling lonely. It shattered. See Below:

firewalk (2)

Often abuse victims will isolate themselves because for a while during the healing process, it is easier to tuck ourselves away from triggers than it is to recover from them. It gives us time to learn how to shatter the arrow headed towards us before it hits the target; the target being us. Truth be told, feeling alone is not exclusive to survivors, and is not the same as lonely. All humans have a fear of being alone, abandoned, betrayed, lonely, separated, or isolated, even the hermit. This is where remembering our own divinity plays a magnificent role. 

Back to the event itself, next up was walking on glass. Yeah that was no big deal to me. It’s all in the navigation, but I do understand why others had a fear. We’re taught to believe that broken glass cuts, and it can. I’ve actually navigated over glass in bare feet following a creek trail I used to visit numerous times. Now the rebar, bending that by pressing it against your trachea, that made me sit on the edge of my seat. After watching it, a couple of times, I asked myself if I really needed to do it?  

Then I remembered the courage I had to summon to jump off the 30-foot cliff at Fossil Creek, AZ. The waterfall itself, is 20 feet. That time, my daughter shook her head. My boyfriend was annoyed. My sister laughed, but didn’t walk her ass up there, and all the teens and college students cheered on the 50-year-old woman. I admit it wasn’t pretty. Someday, I will go back and redeem myself, but none-the-less I did it.  

Fossil Creek 7.17.11 029 Fossil Creek 7.17.11 034

The rebar is bent with a partner, and being there alone meant I had to find a partner, and trust that partner. Really… so ridiculous that it takes more courage to ask someone to do something with me then it does to actually do the scary thing. It all comes down to belief, not power of positive thinking. Positive thinking alone can get you hurt, and so can fear. I’ve actually written about how the power of positive thinking can create sabotage in my book; Why Bother? Because Self-Help is Never Stupid. Are you ready to read it yet?  

The ability comes from conscious intention, and believing in yourself. It’s not even a matter of altered state of consciousness. It is important for your vibrational rate to be raised, which it naturally is when you believe. Our facilitator, Marvin did a great job of making sure the energy level was in the right zone. This is what I encourage all who are stuck in victim mode or still in survival mode for that matter; believe you can heal. Believe you can get beyond the hurt that you will never forget, and someday you will. Remember to be patient with yourself, that divine timing exists, and to be grateful for how far you’ve already traveled.  

It may seem like I am getting off track from the event, but that is only because events like these always have a deeper, more profound meaning, if we allow ourselves to explore that on an integrated level of awareness. If you don’t allow it to integrate, it won’t have the same empowering impact. None-the-less, I found my partner easily, without anguish, and we did it; we bent the rebar. Third challenge complete. 

me and danielle at firewalk with bent rebar

Now it was time to walk the fire. Yes! Bring it on! Anyone who thinks this is a parlor trick, let me tell you that those coals are 1200 degrees or higher. The first time through, I walked the 21 feet alone. Yes! The second time, someone I just met asked,want to do it again, together?” “Hell yeah, I want to go,and honored to do it with a new acquaintance. 

Just as we approached the pit for our turn, the facilitator decided it was time to stir the coals. That means hotter. Hell Yes! The third time through, I walked slower and much more deliberate, really testing the limits, or should I say my sense of being limitless. This girl (Peter Pan Syndrome) is done with the ingrained belief of being limited. At the other side, my new friend said, “you walked that like you owned it.” Yep, that’s what I did, and that’s what I am doing with my life. After all, you can’t really own anything else in this life, but your experiences. What seems like a simple act, can show you how doing something different or being in action can have a profound effect in many areas of life.   

On a final note, I’m pretty sure having someone I just met, and may never bump into again, ask me to walk the fire together, was my sign, that I am not alone, never was, and never will be. I’ve got a real sense of empowerment now over that fear and limiting belief. 

Oh, and one more thing, only what you fear hurts. Remember that when you still feel like you’ll never get past whatever you are struggling with. Instead embrace it.  

beauty and the beast - fear

So what songs can we relate to with this post? A lot of songs about burning fire, are too obviously about sexual desire, and hard to spin to this post. How about the classic by James Taylor and Carole King, “Fire and Rain?” Fire and Rain – James Taylor & Carole King And I like, “Barracuda” by Heart since this song exemplifies the sisters expressing their empowerment by not allowing their reputations to be tarnished by false immoral actions. I hope they shattered the ego of the ass hole who wanted them to pretend to have an incestuous relationship. I love how well the song, and the story blended into this post, and its purpose. YES! Rock on Heart sisters! Barracuda by Heart 

A blip from the song:  

If the real thing don’t do the trick 
You better make up something quick 
You gonna burn, burn, burn, burn, burn to the wick 
Oooo, Barracuda, oh yeah   












Suicide Prevention Month – Become Consciously Aware – Another Reason Why Self-Help is Never Stupid

Suicide Prevention Month – Become Consciously Aware – Another Reason Why Self-Help is Never Stupid

By no means, am I claiming to be an expert on suicide or suicide prevention. I can only share from my own personal, direct experience, and maybe that experience will help someone else.

There is always so much that could be said in regards to suicide because, as with all issues, every person has their own reasons, own experiences, own perspective, and own way of handling life’s challenges even among the glaring similarities. That’s why if you are considering suicide, or know someone who is at risk, get help. If it’s an emergency call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK.

While PTSD is not the only cause of suicide, twenty-two veterans die each day at their own hand. Not only is it already a leading cause, but add into that PTSD caused by other trauma, and you start to notice an even more distinct pattern.

Statistics show approximately 40,000 suicide deaths in the U.S.A. annually, and somewhere between 500,000 and 1,000,000 attempts. states: For young people 15-24 years old, suicide is the second leading cause of death.

Prevention, likes all paths to a solution, always comes back to education and awareness, and conscious awareness is the best kind there is.

There is a difference between simple awareness and conscious awareness and it would benefit ALL of US on a much greater scale, if we would get to know that. The thing about conscious awareness is that for some it’s a difficult choice. For me that is why the metaphor of choosing the red pill or the blue, from the movie The Matrix is always so profound.

Many of you already know that I believe (even though I place caution around unconscious belief) the biggest cause of problems in this world comes from some form of abuse, and denial of abuse, as one type of abuse often leads to another, sometimes unnoticed. Face it, doesn’t awareness begin with observation and noticing? This is a big theme in my book, Why Bother? Because Self-Help is Never Stupid.

Survivors, and those in recovery, know the pain and torment that silence on the part of all parties involved has caused. On the other hand silence can be a survival tactic. While breaking silence around so many issues is of critical importance to create awareness, there may be occasion to stop judging silence, particularly your own.

September being suicide prevention month leaves me wondering, if I had spoken up sooner about my sexual abuse, and been dismissed as a kid, the way that I was dismissed as a 30 something adult, and still dismissed at 50 something, would I be alive today?

Sexual abuse started for me, at age 12, and while I put a stop to it around 17, there were additional advances made until I was 20. Having personally experienced multiple types of abuse, repeated sexual abuse has been the most traumatic, the most negatively impactful, and the most difficult thing I’ve ever had to experience in my life. I say that acknowledging that others have had it worse. NO ONE should ever have to go through this.

Sexual abuse is considered immoral, unethical, and criminal for good reason. For the survivor, it’s just not something you ever forget, no matter how far behind you, you put it, or how conscious you become.

Conscious awareness is vitally important to healing, even though the process of awakening can be difficult, it’s not nearly as traumatic as the trauma you experienced in the first place. Practicing and playing in the arena of conscious awareness makes you stronger.

Unconscious people will in one breath claim to be aware of the impacts of trauma, then in the next say something that causes a trigger for those who will never have the trauma erased from their lives. It’s taken me a long time to admit that I attempted suicide, considered it multiple times, and can pinpoint several times when I unconsciously almost killed myself with self-destructive behavior. The first time, I was 14 not knowing that the handful of prescription sleeping pills weren’t strong enough to end my life.

Granted, I ALONE am responsible for the choices I made, no matter what age I was. That doesn’t mean I wasn’t influenced by being a somewhat isolated kid, who was seeking approval, acceptance and love from her much older siblings, and had compounded feelings because of having emotionally unavailable parents. That does not blame them for my poor choices. These are simply the factors that influenced my poor choices when one adult sister handed me a pipe at 12, and another allowed me to the opportunity to use that rolled up bill at 13.

While this might not seem unusual, and while many overcome this with no scars, the fact is that the drug abuse was a set up, and part of the grooming process that lead to years of sexual abuse. Abuse doesn’t stop after the events stop because now you have been programmed to accept abuse.

While some excuse the choice the men who abused me made, because they had abusive backgrounds, I can guarantee you that if I influenced or abused their children, in a similar manner, it would have been a completely different situation. One day a family member from the next generation heard comments being made about expectations placed upon me, and laughed saying “Aunt Martha is held to a different set of standards, I’ve never had to do that.” I was grateful that some finally noticed.

The story, like the denial some live in, runs much deeper than the few facts presented here, and isn’t the point. The point is that now I can see more clearly all the shame, blame, guilt, responsibility, lack of responsibility, desires, conflicting desires, big egos, wounded egos, immorality, conviction, belief, set up, grooming, and many more factors involved that created the unhealthy, unsafe, environment that caused me consider suicide. Not that long ago, my mother said, “but we gave you everything,” as if financial support is the one and only thing that is important. That in itself clued me into the financial abuse because of the constant take-away threats.

Some would say. why do you still try to engage in conversation with them? At this point, I have disengaged, but in pushing the issue as an adult, I gained clarity and closure important to healing. It allowed me to grieve not having a family that was kind, nurturing, loving, supportive, any of those things that we All desire and deserve, even if they see themselves as such. Isn’t it obvious that this world is in desperate need of these elements, and desperate need to step out of denial?

To be perfectly honest, I have a love/hate relationship with humanity and the lack of humanity. It may be a flaw that my heart is not 100% love, but at least I am honest.

In consciously observing the situation, I can see that if I hadn’t been silent about the sexual abuse back then, clearly I would not be on this planet today. I would have allowed the lack of compassion to wound me more deeply. If I have anything to be grateful for, it’s the strength I have gained from conscious awareness, and the ability to walk with integrity.

For some, who have not been able to reach this place of noticing, observation, awareness, conscious understanding, compassion, and knowing, the pain has been too great to bear. It’s sad, because with these elements, I would dare to say that some suicides would have been prevented. It becomes easy to see the prevalence of the attitude society takes against mental and emotional problems. Their ignorance is not bliss.

Like me, it may benefit you to recognize that when every single member of your immediate family, appears to defend a sex offender, it’s really not all about you, or the offender. Much of it is about them, and their inability to recognize their own invisible disability. Remember if we were controlled, manipulated, and abused, there is a good chance they were too. Abuse is a nasty, vicious karmic cycle. Their silence is their coping mechanism.

We live in a mad, pissed-off world of fear. I love the song Mad World so much that I am going to share two versions, lyrics written by Roland Orzabal. Tears For Fears – Mad World Adam Lambert – Mad World

If forgiveness is difficult towards people who don’t support you, who you thought would, remember, they have fear of repercussions they will face at the hands of those who would impose controls upon them. Fear requires coping even if the fear is invisible.

Peter Gabriel — “Don’t Give UP” – gather your strength. The thing is love, support, and compassion may come from where you least expect it. God may have a purpose for you. He/She may want you to join his/her army. I got that message at the very first workshop I attended on conscious awareness in the ‘90’s, but wasn’t ready to fully experience it. Then 10 years ago, after doing some energetic clearing, this message got stronger. This day, I decided to walk to pick up, my daughter from school. Suddenly there was an intensity of energy around me, a smile came to my face, and I started to laugh. This happens when the angels are around me, and I don’t care if anyone is watching. I kept laughing and saying “wow…wow…wow.” I was full of awe and gratitude. Not only was support there, but I was part of the team.

This team saved my life several times. Elton John – Someone Saved My Life Tonight

Many often question, how you know when it’s a divine message and when it’s your head. When you put a little time and effort into clearing the old, unconscious programs, unconscious ways of thinking, and self-defeating believes, your ego steps out of the way, and you just know.

“Sometimes you just don’t know, what you just don’t know until you know it.” ~ me

Knowing it requires a little effort, but don’t give up. Intuitively we discern between ego and the authentic.

Don’t sacrifice yourself because you feel like other people don’t understand. Remember that carbon under pressure becomes a diamond, and when it is unearthed, it can be polished and sparkle with intensity and great value.

Comments are welcome.

Feeling Fragile? Suicidal Thoughts – Honoring Robin Williams

Feeling Fragile? Suicidal Thoughts – Honoring Robin Williams


Who hasn’t been touched by the passing of Robin Williams in some way?

You all know I have a strange way of weaving things together. Today I was inspired by a post on Facebook by Mama Bear’s Voice, another advocate of speaking out against abuse. Having planned another post, that one went on the back burner as soon as I saw the picture below.

you own you stories, other should have behaved better

As we become more conscious and aware things show up synchronistically as triggers to guide us. Something that was said to me, along with this photo and the very, very sad passing of Robin Williams, were clearly synchronistic events. Abuse survivors, people with PTSD, and depression know all too well how fragile we are and how we can be crippled by suicidal thoughts. Most of the time we never tell anyone because we are consumed with planning it.

Robin obviously had a much greater purpose beyond making us laugh even though that is probably the best part of what he has given us. He has shown us so much more.

Recently, I was told, by someone that I love very much, and who is tied to one of my perpetrators by choice, that I was “taken advantage of.” Wow, what a way to minimize, dismiss, and justify what happened to me. I recognize their need to say things like this as a way to reconcile and feel better about their own choices. My ego can step aside, honoring that we all have choices to make regardless of the impact on me, because it’s not all about me. A chapter is dedicated to this in my book. No matter how I feel initially, I check with my heart, head, gut and ego to see what the integrated voices have to say to me when I feel dismissed so I can live with myself.

This person is also someone who, as a young teen, I thought I was protecting with my silence. My PTSD is under control to a great degree because in developing conscious awareness, I have a compassionate knowing that this person is having difficulty accepting both of their roles in my story of sexual abuse, and initiating my drug abuse. They were adults, feeding me drugs and alcohol at 13 including strong narcotics. I bet if I asked, they would say they don’t remember, but I remember every detail of the first time I snorted with a dollar bill.

Oh my; I am rocking and laughing. Is that you, Robin? The universe or someone is giving me a message as I write. Rather than beleaguer all the drama, Pandora is playing this song. Here’s it is by Skillet – “It’s Not Me It’s You”  Click the link: Skillet – It’s Not Me It’s You. See what consciousness can do for all of us.

Wondering how different things could have turned out doesn’t have much value, and keeps us stuck in the past. Focusing on what we can learn from our experiences, and how we can use them advantageously to create a better life for ourselves and others does. That does not excuse the bad behavior of others. It also doesn’t stop me from wondering how they would feel about me, had I turned into the same type of abuser against their children, which often happens in cases of abuse. Instead of being fragile, I’ve gathered strength and courage to break free from silence and dysfunction. Freedom. Peace. Expression. I’ve said yes to all three. That doesn’t dismiss someone else who is in deeper pain, and doesn’t impose a “should” upon them.

The idea of breaking free, has particular significance to me because my first victimizer would hold my wrists with one hand, forcibly pinning me down while he fondled me. Sarcasm; but, you know, “they just took advantage of me.” My own mother has said this. She can’t comprehend the full impact that CSA has on anyone. I forgive her for not having mama bear instincts. It took a long time for me to “get over,” the lack of compassion. For years, those kinds of words made me fragile. I was fortunate to make consciousness, my kintsugi (Japanese are of repair).

So if anyone tells you to “get over it,” please keep in mind there is a myriad of information coming to light that it’s not that simple. Reading my book will help. I know that is not from my ego. I know because it’s what I came to this planet to do. Consciousness helps us remember what we came her for. I lived it, and I have practical advice to offer. It’s available right here on my website, and you can ask me questions.

Accepting what happened, and forgiving what happened, are not the same as excusing what happened, and certainly does not make the situation acceptable. The person I referred to earlier was upset because I referred to my perpetrator/victimizer as a pedophile. Okay, she’s right, he might not be the classic definition of a pedophile, but he did commit an act of pedophilia. That is a fact.

And I admit, I had a little ego demon wanting to make a stronger point when I said it, but hey, I’m human. Even Osho wanted to disturb people. Right? I’ve endured 40 years of struggling to stay out of hell. I’m winning, and consciousness has made it easier than ever, but that doesn’t dismiss that it’s been a challenge.

Abuse survivors, particularly those who develop PTSD, know that it is much deeper than simply being taken advantage of. The minimizing of what happened to us, the lack of support, lack of understanding the true nature of the conditions the abuse caused, triggers the PTSD that make us feel fragile. Being taken advantage of is when a contractor overcharges you. It’s still abuse, and it’s still wrong, but in NO way compares to the physical and emotional trauma inflicted by sexual abuse.

In my book I say; “Achieving forgiveness for abuse of any kind is not simple. You can’t just wish it away or send it away with love. I would never discount someone’s feelings whose abuse, pain, anger and suffering run much deeper.” I for one certainly will not pretend to know the depth of what Robin Williams was experiencing, that caused him to end his struggle. CSA victims know all too well about suicidal thoughts, and some of us have even attempted it. It took me a long time to admit that.

How many of us have been told to forgive, forget about it, put it behind us. Right? We can forgive, but silence, and forgetting is precisely what has allowed abuse to continue.

Blood is thicker than water; that’s not always true. Accepting and forgiving doesn’t mean there isn’t an element of still being pissed-off or hurt. With conscious awareness we can transmute being pissed-off, and find forgiveness. That doesn’t mean we should give up the fight for what’s right.

Luckily, fortunately and gratefully, conscious awareness is available to all of us. For me, it is the primary key to my healing, keeps me stable, and has erased much of the fragility so that I can speak truth regardless of whether or not others can accept the truth. Handling the truth is up to them. Maybe my perpetrator has atoned to God, and to his wife, but that has not offered atonement or justice for me. In speaking out, I am creating my own form of justice, and hopefully justice for others.

Thank you, Mama Bear for the support and inspiration. I recommend not only liking my Facebook Fan page, but go to Mama Bear’s Voice too.

More songs for today. Click the links to go to them. I’m a rocker at heart but this version of Fragileby Sting brought me to tears of joy, love, and appreciation for such brilliant artistic expression; Fragile – by Sting

Robin Williams – as the genie from Aladdin Friend Like Me

Breath and the Death of Abuse – featuring Breaking Benjamin

By now you are getting the idea that music is inspirational to our healing. In the preface of my book, I quote “a great humanitarian – And dear friend for years:” just kidding, that’s a line from All That Jazz. But, I do quote a very highly respect musician; someone who I admire.

“That’s one of the greatest things about music. You can sing a song to 85,000 people, and they’ll sing it back for 85,000 different reasons.”—Dave Grohl

     I’m working a little backwards with this post. Typically, I will write, and a song magically shows up that is perfect for the piece, and I get to giggle. Today, I was inspired by this song.

     Breath is something that I practice with purpose daily. Breath is the beginning and the end of life. Breath creates a divine, direct connection to pure source. Breath is something we hold onto when we are stressed. Breath can come with a sigh of relief. Breath can pick us up. Breath can calm us down.
You get it by now, right? Breath is vitally important. Common sense would tell us that, but how often do seem to fuhgettaboutit, when we shouldn’t?

     In any meditation, spiritual practice, massage, relaxation or energy technique, a good facilitator always reminds you to breathe. This brings me to my inspiration song of the day: Breath – Breaking Benjamin “Breath” – Breaking Benjamin. Lyrics here:

     The regular readers are get that abuse, trauma, particularly childhood sexual abuse is my soap box. A lot of songs are written about relationships, but I really understand what Dave Grohl was trying to say. Wait, he’s not in Breaking Benjamin. Yeah, I don’t think he cares about me not using one of his songs in this post.    

     So this is what this song means to me, and how do I relate it to abuse. Take this lyric: “I see nothing in your eyes, and the more I see the less I like. Is it over yet, in my head? I know nothing of your kind, and I won’t reveal your evil mind.” This is exactly how I feel about abusers and pedophiles.

Abuse victims know how hard it is to “let go.” It’s not that simple. If it were we would. We pray for it to be over in our head. What many don’t seem to understand is that CSA creates a life-long PTSD to varying degrees, and we are left with being triggered by certain words or events that send us into a downward spiral. We have to learn not to beat ourselves because society judges us for not letting go when there has actually been a chemical change to our brain. No wonder the veterans have such a difficult time.

     We can learn to forgive, but we don’t have to forget. Forgetting only comes when it isn’t important enough to remember anymore. I can’t forget because there are too many who are suffering, and they need help to find their path to end suffering.

     I always remember focused breathing. I’ve practiced A LOT. Letting go is the wrong place for an abuse victim to start, and so is focusing on love or the heart. For me staying present, aware, and at peace starts with acceptance. Here’s a little something for you to remember to stay out of being pissed-off. If you like it, maybe it will entice you to come to the Heart Pillar workshop which will be available very soon.  

acceptance jpg

As for the rest of the lyrics from Breaking Benjamin’s song- “Breath:”
So sacrifice yourself, and let me have what’s left.
I know that I can find the fire in your eyes.
I’m going all the way, get away, please.

You take the breath right out of me.
You left a hole where my heart should be.
You got to fight just to make it through,
’cause I will be the death of you.

This will be all over soon.
Pour salt into the open wound.
     This is what sexual abuse does, it leaves a hole in our heart, but when we allow ourselves to accept what was unacceptable and heal, we can learn to fill that hole with compassion, and even love.
So many who don’t understand what we are going through, throw salt into our wound. We can choose to walk away from that. We want abuse to sacrifice itself. We want it to get away. We are determined to go all the way into complete healing of ourselves. And…those of us who are no longer silent, are going to be the death of abuse.