Suck it up.
Keep a stiff upper lip.
Shake it off.
Brush it off.
Ignore it. Toughen up. Get a thicker skin.
You better learn to take it.
Oh boo hoo, bully for you. (the sarcastic version)
If you are going to cry, I’m going to give you something to cry about.
How many of us remember hearing these expressions? In some ways, they are a “minor thing” (there’s a song hint), and they do have the power to build character. In other ways, they create chaos. This can be the beginning of being taught feelings are wrong. For little things, these statements may have some value. Certainly, we don’t want to be in a perpetual state of heightened emotion and over-reaction, but what about when something traumatic happens? Abuse leaves you in a state of confused terror.
Is it important to develop coping skills, and a sense of stability? Of course. However, when something tragic happens, these types of words whiz through our heads, causing us to feel bad. Rather than courageously speak up, we shut down. Likely, some other expressions run through our minds like, “no one wants to listen to you whine, or no one cares what you have to say.” No one cares, hmm…yeah, why bother, to speak up, if no one cares anyway. You are supposed to brush it off.
There comes a point in our healing process, that it is beneficial to view both sides of the coin with the words that created a devastating impact on us.
Through my practice of consciousness, funny little occurrences remind me just how important it is to not only fully comprehend and learn to release painful experiences, but also recognize that not everyone that not everyone is ready to wake up. As I tear down walls, I get an intuitive urge to reach out to someone just to say, hey it’s been a long time, hope you are well, stuff happened, I wasn’t trying to be aloof, I was learning to cope. I find it easier, and easier to do that, mainly because I have no attachment whatsoever to the outcome.
Sometimes, a divine spark will occur that creates a wonderful reconnection. Other times; not so much. Here’s an example; I got a response from someone who said, “whatever happened to you, you hid it well.” I burst out laughing. While I cannot be certain of the intent of this comment, I sensed this person was taught being silent is like a badge of honor, and maintaining the fake smile was the absolute best way to resolve anything, bury it, shove it down, shake it off. Maybe this is just my warped sense of humor, but to me this was simply an experience in recognizing that while some are waking up, others are sticking to the old story.
Sucking it up, only has value when we use it to take responsibility for our own healing, not when it is used to ignore or bury deeply rooted issues that cause stress in our environment.
When we take a little time to examine the deficit and the benefit of words, it becomes easier, to take the next step which is to breathe, and say to ourselves, “yes, it’s time to let that go.” Take it one step further, and feel it fragment, dissipate, and disappear. Hold that feeling a little longer. Really dive into the feeling of dissolve. There doesn’t that feel better?
Here are the songs that came up while creating this blog: Did you catch the earlier hint?
Red Hot Chili Peppers – Minor Thing Red Hot Chili Peppers – Minor Thing
Sting- Sister Moon; okay this song doesn’t not have a whole lot to do with this post. It was the last song that came up as I was writing, and it just has such a sultry feel, that it resonates the feeling of dissolve for me. I hope is does for you too. Sting – Sister Moon
Please don’t forget to comment or buy the book – Why Bother? right here on the website! Namaste!