A soul-level comprehension of the concept of love, self-love, and unconditional love can be quite an undertaking. It’s easy to think it, but we don’t know what it feels like until we experience it deep within. Emotions and soul-level feeling are different.
Love is a word that has distorted meaning for many, yet this distortion isn’t always recognized within ourselves. If we want to learn, we have to ask ourselves, “What will it take to break down the barrier to all forms of love?”
I’ve said this before, and I’ll say it again, the majority of us have experienced abuse in one form or another. We, as souls, came here to learn about breaking through third-dimensional belief. Based on the level of abuse you survived, our perceptions, engrained beliefs, etc., will vary. We think love hurts. There’s a good blog song; “Love Hurts, by Nazareth.
Self-love was a big distortion within myself. I choked on the idea for quite some time. I’m not so arrogant to think there isn’t more to learn. I recognize that survival can be a hard habit to break. “Hard Habit to Break?” Now there’s a trigger! My first sexual abuser was a big fan of the band, so I tend to hit skip when I hear them on the radio.
Last week, my self-love, and self-respect were being tested. I went into the heart-center and simply “allowed in” what was showing up. I stuck to my current idea of self-love and self-respect, and asked Archangel Chamuel for guidance, comfort, compassion, and soothing.
Then I was blessed with three completely unexpected acts of generosity, and kindness. That program of being unworthy can lie so deep, it acts as a trickster. While I offer kindness, and compassion as a general practice, these acts reminded me, not only I AM worthy of graciously accepting kindness, but it’s a step in reminding me what I came here to do, and be. It’s okay to accept love in the present context. Without pushing, or forcing we can learn to accept that love really does exist, and doesn’t have to be painful.
We have many lessons along the way to understanding unconditional love. It’s best to let go of expectations created by engrained beliefs, and from experiences we shoved deep in our own psyche to survive. Other lessons may need to be conquered first. Hold love, self-love, and unconditional love as the ultimate goal. Keep in in mind, as you start to reach the goal, you may discover more lies in the yet unimagined. Remain open. Use any minor slips as reminders as to how far you’ve come, and get back on the trail when you are ready.
At this time, it seems appropriate to say, Be your own Valentine.
Regular readers know a song or two is always delivered divinely. This time there are too many to post all the links, so here is the earlier suggestion, and the final four that played while writing:
“Love Hurts,” by Nazareth
“Why Can’t This Be Love,” by Van Halen
“Life Is A Song,” by Jethro Tull
“I Don’t Want To Miss A Thing,” Aerosmith
“Send Your Love,” Sting
Here’s a late addition – “New World Blues,” by Gov’t Mule
Love and Blessings to ALL ♥
Conscious, or not, 2016 has been a rough year for many. As we awaken, we learn to recognize and appreciate the synchronicity that shows up in our lives. Then there are times, when seasons change, and we find ourselves on a rugged path; wondering where those signs and synchronicity went. We might feel abandoned, or angry that things aren’t working out the way we expect. Each time life’s adventures put us on a rough path, conscious awareness helps us navigate that rocky road, without eating a whole gallon.
Trust that if you stay the course, remaining in consciousness, the path will become smoother. You will breathe a sigh of relief. The synchronicity will return.
Having recently experienced one of these long, rocky roads, I was struck profoundly by a synchronistic reminder. I love me some morning coffee. The pot beeps three times when it’s done. At the precise moment, a hummingbird flew up to my screen door, chirped three times, and flew away. The coffee pot, and the door are at opposite ends of the room, and I was sitting precisely in the middle. I breathed a sigh of relief, knowing that balance is returning, and thankful for the change of the season.
The song that showed up, was “In My Life,” by the Beatles… hmm… or would that be humm?
In My Life by the Beatles
Please follow this link to learn more about what Hummingbirds can show you: http://www.spiritanimal.info/hummingbird-spirit-animal/
Yes, I know I have strange titles for my posts, but my readers know that when they stick with me, it all starts to make a little more sense.
I’m also taking this post in a different direction, to talk about love and dating. For survivors those feelings of being unlovable, can trap us into a need to be loved since we have difficulty giving love to ourselves. We try to make up for it by having someone else love us. This why we need to get really clear and comfortable with ourselves, because that need can attract the wrong people. If we aren’t sovereign in knowing ourselves, we unknowingly attract some of the same kinds of abuse, even though it may not show up early on in a relationship.
Rather watch the video version? Click here: Video Version – Reality Check
When I share my stories, it’s not about me. They are shared with the intent that the story resonates for you. Maybe through my stories, you can find the truth and humor in your own story. It’s about whatever it takes to propel the awakening process.
Fresh off a retreat in beautiful Sundance, Utah, with fabulous people, hosted by the phenomenal staff Achieve Coaching (www.iachievetoday.com), I came home to harsh reality checks in many areas of my life. This can happen after being on such a high at a retreat. But… the more you practice consciousness, the faster you don’t buy into the lows, and you bounce back higher.
Let’s not forget it’s Mercury Retrograde, which brings up a lot our crap. Remember when crap shows up, it’s asking for attention so we can clear it. It requires us to slow down and take a little review of our lives. It’s actually perfectly designed. Let’s not forget, “it’s not all about you,” Mercury Retrograde happens for those around us too. If you don’t know what Mercury Retrograde is, look it up.
The reason I am such a proponent of consciousness is that what in the past, I would have viewed as life shattering, actually leaves me laughing and feeling much more peaceful than I would have in the past. I have a sense of what equanimity is.
The topic of soul mates has been coming up repeatedly, not just for me, but it seems to be a big theme for many. Relationships are changing, so I want to touch on this. In doing so the intent is that survivors will go into new relationships with more awareness, and more sovereignty. There are lots of varying opinions on what soul mate, twin flame, true love relationships are, or what it means. Do some research. Draw your own conclusion, but be cautious of all the misinformation too. Don’t buy into everything you hear. Check in with how YOU feel. Put your ego desires aside, and ask your authentic self “what do I know to be true?
We have lots of soul mates. Why do I say this? Because every member of our soul group is a soul mate. Let’s consider the common expression by an unknown author, “people show up in our lives for a season, a reason, or a lifetime.” Don’t forget it works both ways. We show up in their lives too. Soul mates do not have to be romantic, sexual, or stick around forever. Twin Flames are an entirely different subject, and best explained by those in a true twin relationship. For that I’d recommend Mel and Nicole at www.twinflames.ca.
Since I started to study consciousness, I was taught when any relationship has ended, it is always best to look at the love and the lessons with gratitude. That would mean love and lessons from spirit, universe, or even the other person. Easier said than done, right? We can observe bitterness coming from our own ego, but it’s best to explore that with a sense of integrity and let it go. Be happy with what was gained, regardless of any pain. After all, on a spiritual level, we made agreements, and we’ve played roles for each other in other time-lines (other lives).
Seeing others work through emotions in this way, meaning looking at the love and the lessons, I’ve allowed myself to be clear, sovereign and at peace with my choices. We are not responsible for other’s emotional state; they are. We are only responsible for our own, including the moments when our own emotional state isn’t exactly what we’d like it to be.
Here is a quote from Osho that I revisit often:
Okay, so let me spill some truth about me. By conscious choice, I’m single again after a 12 year live-in relationship.I also had a 16 year marriage prior. In the last few months, I’ve opened myself to dating again, and I’ve attracted the season or reason men. How does the Osho quote fit in? Well notice Osho’s quote says shog, not shag. Yes, I know I have a warped sense of humor, but we are talking about relationships and dating. I thought it would be fun to inject a little Austin Powers humor. Until we know where a relationship is going, it’s not a good idea to shag too soon anyway. Because we have so much love to give, and we want to feel loved, shagging can create unconscious attachments that might not be good for us. I’m not telling you what to do when it comes to dating or shagging, just cautioning you to be wise with your choices, and your heart. Accept that sometimes, it is what it is.
As it turns out, I’ve been doing some shogging. Since I’m shogging, not shagging, I’m good with these guys being the season or a reason type. I am very clear on who I am, and the messages that I came here to deliver. And, with all integrity, one man actually facilitated what I would call a miracle for me, that was 55 years in the making, but that is another story, for another time.
Let me get back to the point. So far, when I meet or date, I’m triggering a reality check in these guys, and shogging them pretty hard, because they start taking a deeper look at their own lives. I haven’t done anything other than be me. I haven’t asked them to change. I haven’t told them what to do. I haven’t even made a suggestion, unless they ask.
The reason I know this is happening, is because at least three of them have communicated this is what happened in a very clear, open and deeply exposed way. They drew the conclusion they needed a reality check of their own, on their own. Their secret is safe. I’m not sharing any names, just my part of the story. The mutually parting of ways, has actually been a relief to me, because ultimately I do want that yang to my yin. Granted, we always have deeper lessons with our life-partners, but it should be a more balanced level. The experiences of seeing what I don’t want, long or short term, just gets me closer to finding what I do. To get there it is key to look at the lesson, and not shut ourselves off because of past hurts or wounded egos. In all sincerity, I’ve found myself congratulating these seasonal men for taking a step towards waking up, and wishing them a magical journey.
That is actually a wake-up call for me too, to see how empowered I AM. I’m in an I AM space, facilitating the awakening process, which is exactly what we all came here to do. We can take a journey with another, but how can we ever be happy until we are happy with ourselves.
At first, my daughter thought I was being mean, and I said, “NO I’m NOT Being Mean,” I’m triggering a path of self-discovery for them to discover who they already are, so they can be happy. That’s a joyous thing. Maybe somewhere along the journey, they will find that happiness.
In the past, it would have been easy to slip into ego, and think “well if I am so wonderful in helping these men, why aren’t they sticking around and falling in love with me?” So many people get caught up in ego when it comes to love, and allow themselves to get caught up in relationships that aren’t the right fit. I hear it all the time, and I ask why do you want them to stick around if it’s not the right fit? In the past, I got caught up in that too. But, that’s not me. That’s not who I am, and this life is not all about me. Funny, but I still shutter a bit saying the words “in love.” Yet, I’m happy. I’m laughing. I’m having fun. I’m finding immense joy (and a little ego satisfaction) that people around me are waking up.
I really don’t want them falling in love with me, or me falling in love with them, but I can certainly find appreciation and gratitude for the experience. As a survivor of abuse, I’m not a man hater. Like many of us, as a survivor of trauma, I’ve hidden my light. I’ve kept myself isolated. We all have a light to shine, and it’s not fair to leave other people in the darkness. So I shogged them a little, so what.
In this story, maybe you will find some new perspective and peace with your life. As I always say “you can have love without peace, but when you seek peace love follows. Let love happen naturally.
Be sovereign with yourself. Here’s a hint to my song selection; “you can’t control and independent heart.” We should never be under someone else’s control, or try to control them. We can love many people in different ways, and here is hint number two; we certainly don’t want to “tear the one you love apart.” Hint three; “Free, free, set them free.” Sting – If You Love Somebody (Set Them Free) No wonder I admire Sting, and I admire the relationship he and Trudy have. I don’t know about you, but I would love to aspire to something like that, someday, maybe? Article from DailyMail.com by Shyam Dodge discussing Sting and Trudy – Last Ship Premier
Second song suggestion; Back to Life -Soul II Soul Back to Life, Back to Reality.
By no means, am I claiming to be an expert on suicide or suicide prevention. I can only share from my own personal, direct experience, and maybe that experience will help someone else.
There is always so much that could be said in regards to suicide because, as with all issues, every person has their own reasons, own experiences, own perspective, and own way of handling life’s challenges even among the glaring similarities. That’s why if you are considering suicide, or know someone who is at risk, get help. If it’s an emergency call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK.
While PTSD is not the only cause of suicide, twenty-two veterans die each day at their own hand. Not only is it already a leading cause, but add into that PTSD caused by other trauma, and you start to notice an even more distinct pattern.
Statistics show approximately 40,000 suicide deaths in the U.S.A. annually, and somewhere between 500,000 and 1,000,000 attempts. SAVE.org states: For young people 15-24 years old, suicide is the second leading cause of death.
Prevention, likes all paths to a solution, always comes back to education and awareness, and conscious awareness is the best kind there is.
There is a difference between simple awareness and conscious awareness and it would benefit ALL of US on a much greater scale, if we would get to know that. The thing about conscious awareness is that for some it’s a difficult choice. For me that is why the metaphor of choosing the red pill or the blue, from the movie The Matrix is always so profound.
Many of you already know that I believe (even though I place caution around unconscious belief) the biggest cause of problems in this world comes from some form of abuse, and denial of abuse, as one type of abuse often leads to another, sometimes unnoticed. Face it, doesn’t awareness begin with observation and noticing? This is a big theme in my book, Why Bother? Because Self-Help is Never Stupid.
Survivors, and those in recovery, know the pain and torment that silence on the part of all parties involved has caused. On the other hand silence can be a survival tactic. While breaking silence around so many issues is of critical importance to create awareness, there may be occasion to stop judging silence, particularly your own.
September being suicide prevention month leaves me wondering, if I had spoken up sooner about my sexual abuse, and been dismissed as a kid, the way that I was dismissed as a 30 something adult, and still dismissed at 50 something, would I be alive today?
Sexual abuse started for me, at age 12, and while I put a stop to it around 17, there were additional advances made until I was 20. Having personally experienced multiple types of abuse, repeated sexual abuse has been the most traumatic, the most negatively impactful, and the most difficult thing I’ve ever had to experience in my life. I say that acknowledging that others have had it worse. NO ONE should ever have to go through this.
Sexual abuse is considered immoral, unethical, and criminal for good reason. For the survivor, it’s just not something you ever forget, no matter how far behind you, you put it, or how conscious you become.
Conscious awareness is vitally important to healing, even though the process of awakening can be difficult, it’s not nearly as traumatic as the trauma you experienced in the first place. Practicing and playing in the arena of conscious awareness makes you stronger.
Unconscious people will in one breath claim to be aware of the impacts of trauma, then in the next say something that causes a trigger for those who will never have the trauma erased from their lives. It’s taken me a long time to admit that I attempted suicide, considered it multiple times, and can pinpoint several times when I unconsciously almost killed myself with self-destructive behavior. The first time, I was 14 not knowing that the handful of prescription sleeping pills weren’t strong enough to end my life.
Granted, I ALONE am responsible for the choices I made, no matter what age I was. That doesn’t mean I wasn’t influenced by being a somewhat isolated kid, who was seeking approval, acceptance and love from her much older siblings, and had compounded feelings because of having emotionally unavailable parents. That does not blame them for my poor choices. These are simply the factors that influenced my poor choices when one adult sister handed me a pipe at 12, and another allowed me to the opportunity to use that rolled up bill at 13.
While this might not seem unusual, and while many overcome this with no scars, the fact is that the drug abuse was a set up, and part of the grooming process that lead to years of sexual abuse. Abuse doesn’t stop after the events stop because now you have been programmed to accept abuse.
While some excuse the choice the men who abused me made, because they had abusive backgrounds, I can guarantee you that if I influenced or abused their children, in a similar manner, it would have been a completely different situation. One day a family member from the next generation heard comments being made about expectations placed upon me, and laughed saying “Aunt Martha is held to a different set of standards, I’ve never had to do that.” I was grateful that some finally noticed.
The story, like the denial some live in, runs much deeper than the few facts presented here, and isn’t the point. The point is that now I can see more clearly all the shame, blame, guilt, responsibility, lack of responsibility, desires, conflicting desires, big egos, wounded egos, immorality, conviction, belief, set up, grooming, and many more factors involved that created the unhealthy, unsafe, environment that caused me consider suicide. Not that long ago, my mother said, “but we gave you everything,” as if financial support is the one and only thing that is important. That in itself clued me into the financial abuse because of the constant take-away threats.
Some would say. why do you still try to engage in conversation with them? At this point, I have disengaged, but in pushing the issue as an adult, I gained clarity and closure important to healing. It allowed me to grieve not having a family that was kind, nurturing, loving, supportive, any of those things that we All desire and deserve, even if they see themselves as such. Isn’t it obvious that this world is in desperate need of these elements, and desperate need to step out of denial?
To be perfectly honest, I have a love/hate relationship with humanity and the lack of humanity. It may be a flaw that my heart is not 100% love, but at least I am honest.
In consciously observing the situation, I can see that if I hadn’t been silent about the sexual abuse back then, clearly I would not be on this planet today. I would have allowed the lack of compassion to wound me more deeply. If I have anything to be grateful for, it’s the strength I have gained from conscious awareness, and the ability to walk with integrity.
For some, who have not been able to reach this place of noticing, observation, awareness, conscious understanding, compassion, and knowing, the pain has been too great to bear. It’s sad, because with these elements, I would dare to say that some suicides would have been prevented. It becomes easy to see the prevalence of the attitude society takes against mental and emotional problems. Their ignorance is not bliss.
Like me, it may benefit you to recognize that when every single member of your immediate family, appears to defend a sex offender, it’s really not all about you, or the offender. Much of it is about them, and their inability to recognize their own invisible disability. Remember if we were controlled, manipulated, and abused, there is a good chance they were too. Abuse is a nasty, vicious karmic cycle. Their silence is their coping mechanism.
We live in a mad, pissed-off world of fear. I love the song Mad World so much that I am going to share two versions, lyrics written by Roland Orzabal. Tears For Fears – Mad World Adam Lambert – Mad World
If forgiveness is difficult towards people who don’t support you, who you thought would, remember, they have fear of repercussions they will face at the hands of those who would impose controls upon them. Fear requires coping even if the fear is invisible.
Peter Gabriel — “Don’t Give UP” – gather your strength. The thing is love, support, and compassion may come from where you least expect it. God may have a purpose for you. He/She may want you to join his/her army. I got that message at the very first workshop I attended on conscious awareness in the ‘90’s, but wasn’t ready to fully experience it. Then 10 years ago, after doing some energetic clearing, this message got stronger. This day, I decided to walk to pick up, my daughter from school. Suddenly there was an intensity of energy around me, a smile came to my face, and I started to laugh. This happens when the angels are around me, and I don’t care if anyone is watching. I kept laughing and saying “wow…wow…wow.” I was full of awe and gratitude. Not only was support there, but I was part of the team.
This team saved my life several times. Elton John – Someone Saved My Life Tonight
Many often question, how you know when it’s a divine message and when it’s your head. When you put a little time and effort into clearing the old, unconscious programs, unconscious ways of thinking, and self-defeating believes, your ego steps out of the way, and you just know.
“Sometimes you just don’t know, what you just don’t know until you know it.” ~ me
Knowing it requires a little effort, but don’t give up. Intuitively we discern between ego and the authentic.
Don’t sacrifice yourself because you feel like other people don’t understand. Remember that carbon under pressure becomes a diamond, and when it is unearthed, it can be polished and sparkle with intensity and great value.
Comments are welcome.