The Infamous Fine Line? Do You Walk It, Cross It , or Pretend It Doesn’t Exist?

The Infamous Fine Line? Do You Walk It, Cross It , or Pretend It Doesn’t Exist?

     Some of us walk the line for a while until we figure out where it’s taking us, decide where to cross, or get off it altogether.
There’s a fine line between genius and insanity. We’ve all heard that right? When we hear about crossing a line, that’s usually when someone is pissed-off. Have you ever considered that along a line, there is more than one place to cross, and you can move back and forth on either side of the line, or even walk it for as long as you like? Are you pretending the line doesn’t exist, are you in denial, or have you crossed over into a deeper knowing, and awareness that you don’t want to play there anymore?
How was this post inspired by the featured picture on FB? People were commenting how they felt betrayed by friends. I was lucky to find a few friends to help me awaken and support my healing journey. It was family that I perceived as having betrayed me. I was groomed to, “keep my mouth shut and keep the peace,” “bury it.” They have a different perception of “just let go,” then I do. Silence betrays ourselves and betrays others who are facing the same challenge of abuse. To support myself, I had to appreciate that my family’s ignorance was to be my strength, and forgive their inability to accept my choice to speak up. That doesn’t mean that I have to continue to play on their ball field.
Interesting since my dad was a WWII Vet. Where would we be if we had not stopped Hitler? What would things be like if Hitler had been allowed to continue? Where was dad’s line when it came to accepting that I had been sexually abused? Why did the family feel that I crossed to the wrong side of the line by speaking up rather than offering support?  Is lack of support a betrayal? Or is that a perception? When we experience this, is it about you, me, us, or is it about them?
Another’s silence can be perceived by the abused as betrayal, especially when the abuser is still in your life, and never confronted by the people you are seeking support from. You begin to feel even worse because instead of receiving any type of validation you are told in a disapproving manner, “you need to let it go.” Again, where is the line? However, this could be about our expectations, and we would be better off if we let go of expectation. There is much ignorance around abuse, trauma, PTSD, its symptoms, and its effects:

Go where you are celebrated, not where you are tolerated.”—Unknown

Whose side are we on when it comes to abuse, ours or theirs; the victim or the victimizer? Why do so many, especially families, want us to stay silent? Why do they find our battle silly, and not worth it? It is really about your worth, or their self-worth?  Or is it simply about fear in the form of shame, and embarrassment? While you may still be challenged dealing with your own self-worth because of fear and doubt as we all are, where and when do you decide to draw the line, cross it, or step off altogether to support yourself? You may be ready to let go of your fears, but they may not be ready to let go of theirs. Family never encouraged me to speak up, but I encourage you stand up; speak up. Support yourself and the universe, multi-verse will give you what you need. Silence perpetuates abuse. Abuse is a line that continues to be crossed, and the line must be vanquished.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tWOmfOah–o Fireflight – “Stand Up”

     Be mindful of not playing the victim, regardless of others assuming that’s why you are doing while you are simply trying to understand your own feelings. This is only a caution so that you don’t get stuck in being a victim. The ideal would be to comprehend what happened, but step beyond survival and recovery.

Excerpt from my book – Why Bother? Because Self-Help is Never Stupid

In dark times, can you feel your Dark Knight Rising or allow your inner Superman to bring about truth and justice within you? Have you seen times when you have brought forth truth and justice that it opens the door for others to do the same? Are you willing to stay out of your ego and accept those times when others are not ready, willing, or able to tap into their inner superhero?

We all have choices as to what to fight for and what to let go of? Right? Where do you draw your line? Who or what do you choose to stand-up and fight for? How do you decide what’s worth fighting for and what to let go of? Do you check into your heart, body, mind, and soul to see what kind of quaking is occurring? It’s your choice and no one else’s. Is the Dark Knight rising in you? What would it mean to the world if we helped not only the victim (the abused), but also the victimizer (abuser)? If we let go of judgment and both got help, would awareness be the key to substantially reducing the problem of not only sexual abuse and all types of abuse?

Another excerpt from my book:

Particularly, with abuses, there is so much denial and there are so many kinds of abuse: sex, drug and alcohol, substance, verbal, emotional, physical, domestic, financial. It’s all abuse of power and denial comes into play on the part of both—the abuser and the abused. Then there is neglect. All are affected. It’s nearly unfathomable to think that abuse of some sort hasn’t affected every single one of us on this planet on some level. Someone should write a song about “excuse for abuse.

Thanks to Mama Bear’s Voice for their FB post and Healing from Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD for giving me the idea to write this and create some awareness and strength in numbers.

Here’s a couple more songs for today:

Pleasure and Pain” – Divinyls https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rH8hcfhG1Jo

There are a few words in this Paul McCartney song that I would like to hear from my family, but accept that I may never get what I want. It’s just not that important. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hudi955n2gs Paul McCartney – “Fine Line”

When we talk about lines, how can we not think of this Johnny Cash classic? When you hear the words, “because your mine,” think of your own healing, which is the most genius thing you can do in this lifetime. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KHF9itPLUo4

Pissed-off or Sad? Accountibility for your feelings does not Invalidate them.

Has anyone ever said to you; “no one can make you feel anything or a certain way, you make that choice”?  Annoying, huh? But, have you recognized that to be true?

All our emotions are trying to tell us something. When we hear this, it’s easy to drop into ego, and allow ourselves to feel wounded and/or invalidated.  When we have an emotional attachment, this is precisely the time to observe ourselves, possibly even get to know ourselves a little better.  Better yet, hold ourselves accountable. This doesn’t mean our feelings are wrong.  It serves ourselves more authentically to observe…. and take in the lesson.

Have you ever gotten pissed-off at someone who was just trying to help?  Family, friend, teacher perhaps?  Chapter 3, of my book, talks about this.  We also don’t want to place blame.  It’s not the fault of the person trying to help, or your fault if you just don’t get that yet.  It’s all part of the waking up process.  Often our biggest lessons take a while to sink in and it can be frustrating until the enlightened “ah ha” occurs. It’s easy to slip into (doubt) “that sh*t doesn’t work,” (poor me, I can’t) it’s not working for me,” (denial) “I’d rather just not think about it,”  (blame) “the teacher sucked.” If you haven’t examined your part and held yourself accountable for the role you played in being pissed-off or wounded, then be prepared to get the lesson again.

It’s easy to point the finger and say, “he/she thinks he/she knows so much.”  I try to avoid telling, preferring to guide or share, letting others make their own choices, but let me tell you something, I walked around with my “piss-offedness” (yeah, my made up word) for a long time.  Obviously, I had lessons to learn and getting over “pissed-offedness” is something I was meant to share. However, it’s the same for sad or any other emotion you are walking around with on a regular basis.  It’s okay to validate the feeling, but then observer it, stay out of ego, and see what you can gain from this experience or hold yourself accountable for. 

Recognizing that a messenger is bound take some shots, (bound…hmm also sounds like messengers have spiritual contracts, ya think?). I’m sure Osho pissed a few people off based on his following quote:

love-to-disturb-people-quote-saying

 

“I’ll Stand by You” by Chrissie Hynde and the Pretendershas been playing over and over in my head.  You decide how it fits in this post.  Learning to stand independently on your own side (authentic vs. ego), or the ability to see that even when someone pisses you off, they really may have been standing by your side.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bLpmj059JFA  Then again, may be you have learned what you needed to, and it could just be time to move on to something new.