A soul-level comprehension of the concept of love, self-love, and unconditional love can be quite an undertaking. It’s easy to think it, but we don’t know what it feels like until we experience it deep within. Emotions and soul-level feeling are different.
Love is a word that has distorted meaning for many, yet this distortion isn’t always recognized within ourselves. If we want to learn, we have to ask ourselves, “What will it take to break down the barrier to all forms of love?”
I’ve said this before, and I’ll say it again, the majority of us have experienced abuse in one form or another. We, as souls, came here to learn about breaking through third-dimensional belief. Based on the level of abuse you survived, our perceptions, engrained beliefs, etc., will vary. We think love hurts. There’s a good blog song; “Love Hurts, by Nazareth.
Self-love was a big distortion within myself. I choked on the idea for quite some time. I’m not so arrogant to think there isn’t more to learn. I recognize that survival can be a hard habit to break. “Hard Habit to Break?” Now there’s a trigger! My first sexual abuser was a big fan of the band, so I tend to hit skip when I hear them on the radio.
Last week, my self-love, and self-respect were being tested. I went into the heart-center and simply “allowed in” what was showing up. I stuck to my current idea of self-love and self-respect, and asked Archangel Chamuel for guidance, comfort, compassion, and soothing.
Then I was blessed with three completely unexpected acts of generosity, and kindness. That program of being unworthy can lie so deep, it acts as a trickster. While I offer kindness, and compassion as a general practice, these acts reminded me, not only I AM worthy of graciously accepting kindness, but it’s a step in reminding me what I came here to do, and be. It’s okay to accept love in the present context. Without pushing, or forcing we can learn to accept that love really does exist, and doesn’t have to be painful.
We have many lessons along the way to understanding unconditional love. It’s best to let go of expectations created by engrained beliefs, and from experiences we shoved deep in our own psyche to survive. Other lessons may need to be conquered first. Hold love, self-love, and unconditional love as the ultimate goal. Keep in in mind, as you start to reach the goal, you may discover more lies in the yet unimagined. Remain open. Use any minor slips as reminders as to how far you’ve come, and get back on the trail when you are ready.
At this time, it seems appropriate to say, Be your own Valentine.
Regular readers know a song or two is always delivered divinely. This time there are too many to post all the links, so here is the earlier suggestion, and the final four that played while writing:
“Love Hurts,” by Nazareth
“Why Can’t This Be Love,” by Van Halen
“Life Is A Song,” by Jethro Tull
“I Don’t Want To Miss A Thing,” Aerosmith
“Send Your Love,” Sting
Here’s a late addition – “New World Blues,” by Gov’t Mule
Love and Blessings to ALL ♥
When we learn to speak from the heart, which comes from a place of what we know, not what we think, there comes a time when we know the time is ripe, to “say what we need to say.”
As we honor our own heart awakening, we also honor and recognize the importance of allowing each soul to awaken when the soul is ready to awaken. We accept this in those we are close to, and meant to interact with. Often we try our best to stay quiet, and let them see things for themselves.
However, with those we made agreements with to assist before we incarnated in this timeline, spirit may push you so hard to speak up, that every part of your being is shaking inside, like a volcano ready to erupt.
While the quaking is presented in a different context in my book, “Why Bother? Because Self-Help is Never Stupid,” the internal knowing that shakes us to the core is exactly why there is a volcano on the cover.
No matter how hard we try to be loving and sincere, the person you unleashed your knowing upon, may not respond well. If you have complete peace in your heart for doing so, then trust this means it was the right thing to do. When we don’t get the response we wanted, even if we question our choice, and ego feels wounded, trust the peace in your heart. Let go of the outcome. No matter how much we know, there is always more to be revealed in divine time.
You can have love without peace, but when you have peace, love flows naturally.
As always, a song suggestion for this post. John Mayer – “Say What You Need To Say”
Yes, I know I have strange titles for my posts, but my readers know that when they stick with me, it all starts to make a little more sense.
I’m also taking this post in a different direction, to talk about love and dating. For survivors those feelings of being unlovable, can trap us into a need to be loved since we have difficulty giving love to ourselves. We try to make up for it by having someone else love us. This why we need to get really clear and comfortable with ourselves, because that need can attract the wrong people. If we aren’t sovereign in knowing ourselves, we unknowingly attract some of the same kinds of abuse, even though it may not show up early on in a relationship.
Rather watch the video version? Click here: Video Version – Reality Check
When I share my stories, it’s not about me. They are shared with the intent that the story resonates for you. Maybe through my stories, you can find the truth and humor in your own story. It’s about whatever it takes to propel the awakening process.
Fresh off a retreat in beautiful Sundance, Utah, with fabulous people, hosted by the phenomenal staff Achieve Coaching (www.iachievetoday.com), I came home to harsh reality checks in many areas of my life. This can happen after being on such a high at a retreat. But… the more you practice consciousness, the faster you don’t buy into the lows, and you bounce back higher.
Let’s not forget it’s Mercury Retrograde, which brings up a lot our crap. Remember when crap shows up, it’s asking for attention so we can clear it. It requires us to slow down and take a little review of our lives. It’s actually perfectly designed. Let’s not forget, “it’s not all about you,” Mercury Retrograde happens for those around us too. If you don’t know what Mercury Retrograde is, look it up.
The reason I am such a proponent of consciousness is that what in the past, I would have viewed as life shattering, actually leaves me laughing and feeling much more peaceful than I would have in the past. I have a sense of what equanimity is.
The topic of soul mates has been coming up repeatedly, not just for me, but it seems to be a big theme for many. Relationships are changing, so I want to touch on this. In doing so the intent is that survivors will go into new relationships with more awareness, and more sovereignty. There are lots of varying opinions on what soul mate, twin flame, true love relationships are, or what it means. Do some research. Draw your own conclusion, but be cautious of all the misinformation too. Don’t buy into everything you hear. Check in with how YOU feel. Put your ego desires aside, and ask your authentic self “what do I know to be true?
We have lots of soul mates. Why do I say this? Because every member of our soul group is a soul mate. Let’s consider the common expression by an unknown author, “people show up in our lives for a season, a reason, or a lifetime.” Don’t forget it works both ways. We show up in their lives too. Soul mates do not have to be romantic, sexual, or stick around forever. Twin Flames are an entirely different subject, and best explained by those in a true twin relationship. For that I’d recommend Mel and Nicole at www.twinflames.ca.
Since I started to study consciousness, I was taught when any relationship has ended, it is always best to look at the love and the lessons with gratitude. That would mean love and lessons from spirit, universe, or even the other person. Easier said than done, right? We can observe bitterness coming from our own ego, but it’s best to explore that with a sense of integrity and let it go. Be happy with what was gained, regardless of any pain. After all, on a spiritual level, we made agreements, and we’ve played roles for each other in other time-lines (other lives).
Seeing others work through emotions in this way, meaning looking at the love and the lessons, I’ve allowed myself to be clear, sovereign and at peace with my choices. We are not responsible for other’s emotional state; they are. We are only responsible for our own, including the moments when our own emotional state isn’t exactly what we’d like it to be.
Here is a quote from Osho that I revisit often:
Okay, so let me spill some truth about me. By conscious choice, I’m single again after a 12 year live-in relationship.I also had a 16 year marriage prior. In the last few months, I’ve opened myself to dating again, and I’ve attracted the season or reason men. How does the Osho quote fit in? Well notice Osho’s quote says shog, not shag. Yes, I know I have a warped sense of humor, but we are talking about relationships and dating. I thought it would be fun to inject a little Austin Powers humor. Until we know where a relationship is going, it’s not a good idea to shag too soon anyway. Because we have so much love to give, and we want to feel loved, shagging can create unconscious attachments that might not be good for us. I’m not telling you what to do when it comes to dating or shagging, just cautioning you to be wise with your choices, and your heart. Accept that sometimes, it is what it is.
As it turns out, I’ve been doing some shogging. Since I’m shogging, not shagging, I’m good with these guys being the season or a reason type. I am very clear on who I am, and the messages that I came here to deliver. And, with all integrity, one man actually facilitated what I would call a miracle for me, that was 55 years in the making, but that is another story, for another time.
Let me get back to the point. So far, when I meet or date, I’m triggering a reality check in these guys, and shogging them pretty hard, because they start taking a deeper look at their own lives. I haven’t done anything other than be me. I haven’t asked them to change. I haven’t told them what to do. I haven’t even made a suggestion, unless they ask.
The reason I know this is happening, is because at least three of them have communicated this is what happened in a very clear, open and deeply exposed way. They drew the conclusion they needed a reality check of their own, on their own. Their secret is safe. I’m not sharing any names, just my part of the story. The mutually parting of ways, has actually been a relief to me, because ultimately I do want that yang to my yin. Granted, we always have deeper lessons with our life-partners, but it should be a more balanced level. The experiences of seeing what I don’t want, long or short term, just gets me closer to finding what I do. To get there it is key to look at the lesson, and not shut ourselves off because of past hurts or wounded egos. In all sincerity, I’ve found myself congratulating these seasonal men for taking a step towards waking up, and wishing them a magical journey.
That is actually a wake-up call for me too, to see how empowered I AM. I’m in an I AM space, facilitating the awakening process, which is exactly what we all came here to do. We can take a journey with another, but how can we ever be happy until we are happy with ourselves.
At first, my daughter thought I was being mean, and I said, “NO I’m NOT Being Mean,” I’m triggering a path of self-discovery for them to discover who they already are, so they can be happy. That’s a joyous thing. Maybe somewhere along the journey, they will find that happiness.
In the past, it would have been easy to slip into ego, and think “well if I am so wonderful in helping these men, why aren’t they sticking around and falling in love with me?” So many people get caught up in ego when it comes to love, and allow themselves to get caught up in relationships that aren’t the right fit. I hear it all the time, and I ask why do you want them to stick around if it’s not the right fit? In the past, I got caught up in that too. But, that’s not me. That’s not who I am, and this life is not all about me. Funny, but I still shutter a bit saying the words “in love.” Yet, I’m happy. I’m laughing. I’m having fun. I’m finding immense joy (and a little ego satisfaction) that people around me are waking up.
I really don’t want them falling in love with me, or me falling in love with them, but I can certainly find appreciation and gratitude for the experience. As a survivor of abuse, I’m not a man hater. Like many of us, as a survivor of trauma, I’ve hidden my light. I’ve kept myself isolated. We all have a light to shine, and it’s not fair to leave other people in the darkness. So I shogged them a little, so what.
In this story, maybe you will find some new perspective and peace with your life. As I always say “you can have love without peace, but when you seek peace love follows. Let love happen naturally.
Be sovereign with yourself. Here’s a hint to my song selection; “you can’t control and independent heart.” We should never be under someone else’s control, or try to control them. We can love many people in different ways, and here is hint number two; we certainly don’t want to “tear the one you love apart.” Hint three; “Free, free, set them free.” Sting – If You Love Somebody (Set Them Free) No wonder I admire Sting, and I admire the relationship he and Trudy have. I don’t know about you, but I would love to aspire to something like that, someday, maybe? Article from DailyMail.com by Shyam Dodge discussing Sting and Trudy – Last Ship Premier
Second song suggestion; Back to Life -Soul II Soul Back to Life, Back to Reality.
Sure this post seems to be a few days late, but my thoughts lean towards the unconventional anyway. The intention of this little blip, blurb, bleep, is to elicit a spark of thought towards rekindling the flame of passion and activating the flame to grow.
It’s hard to dispute that we are very lucky to live in a land with independence, and many freedoms, but do we really have freedom? Or are we under a great deal of control?
Where are all the people who had passion like the founding fathers? Sure you could get pissed-off at that comment and say we still have many great leaders, but compare the perception of those leaders to our leaders of today. Compare how many leaders there were to the population as a whole back in 1776 and my comment makes sense.
Then there is always the other side when productivity is sabotaged because there are “too many chiefs and not enough Indians.” Chiefs? Founding Fathers? Hmm..that’s another topic. It also sounds a little prejudicial and judgmental. Isn’t that expression more about ego and control, then leadership?
I get it; the founding fathers did a great job over 200 years ago, hurray!! Who doesn’t love a celebration and no one ever tires of fireworks (well maybe some do)? Admittedly, I have an inner pyrotechnician which has never been fully set free; physically, and metaphorically speaking.
Thinking about fire and fireworks, led me to think about my mom. As usual, the way I connect the dots may be a bit unusual, but stick with me. Now that I have recognized and observed connectedness, showing we ALL are creators, and can translate metaphorically how what we create through every action, affects the mind, body, spirit, and persona, I had a little “ah-ha.”
We ALL have a desire for Independence and Freedom to some degree. Degree always seems like such a perfect word, particularly when talking about a flame of passion or a desire for this independence and freedom.
In acting upon a flame of passion, a key ingredient to the outcome has to do with how we fan the flames and whether or not we are fanning those flames with peace in our heart and the degree to which that peace lies in our hearts. That doesn’t mean you have to be stoic, that doesn’t mean you can’t express some form of emotion. It could be excitement or outrage, but to communicate clearly, consciously and concisely, communication begins with a level of peace.
So where is the “ah-ha” with my mom? This woman, loved to burn things. If there was anything that needed to be disposed of, she obsessed over trying to burn it, toxic or not. Many of us who observed this always wondered why her fires, seemed to, just smolder and could smolder for days. There never seemed to be a flame. If you knew the persona, it would be very clear that this is a metaphor for a flame of passion that was never allowed to burn, only to smolder. I’ll be nice and bite my tongue on the other metaphors because that would just be my ego getting involved. At least, I recognize and acknowledge my ego. How many do we know who can’t/won’t/don’t recognize ego? Hey, I never claimed to be Mother Theresa.
We ALL come here as bright lights. Our challenge in mastery of third dimension lies in whether or not we allow that flame to be extinguished through ego and all that goes with the ego; sadness, stress, worry, suppression, victimization, self-pity, arrogance, on and on. We all make a choice as to what side of the ego we play on. Some of us have been so suppressed we don’t even know that we have options to consider or give ourselves permission to consider options.
It seems to be a good idea to recognize that mastery does not mean there isn’t more to learn. When peace is predominant in our hearts, the element of being humble also resides in the heart. Along our journey towards mastery, with peace and humbleness, we can sense what Independence and Freedom truly mean and we will want that not just for ourselves and those close to us, but we will want it universally for everyone. We also may want to keep in mind, that if we don’t master 3rd dimension, karma may force us to keep coming back rather than making our return to 3rd dimension a choice.
Without peace fully integrated into our hearts, our fight towards independence isn’t over, nor should it be. Possibly, instead of perceiving everything as a fight or a struggle, we could perceive our challenges as passionate negotiation.
After more than 200 years, we still celebrate, but where is the true passion? As time has gone by, with so much complaining and blaming, it seems beneficial to have the same type of passion reignited. What is it that causes us to celebrate one day and be apathetic the next? The founding fathers of the U.S.A. obviously understood the importance of fanning the flames of passion when they banded together to create independence that allowed freedom to ring. What will it take to rekindle that in all of us? What role can you play to create and perpetuate the same type of change that the founding fathers of the United States of America did? How many of us are allowing our passion to smolder? Is that what you want? Is it really good enough? And..Why isn’t Richard Henry Lee more popularly known?
Independence, peace and freedom are themes I talk about in my book and there is so much more that could have and can be said about these three things that I’m sure to be talking about it for a long time.
How about, this week we feature Bruce Springsteen’s – “Streets of Philadelphia” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yY57osd8JGU
PEACE VS. LOVE
Why is my first blog post about Peace?
Shouldn’t someone who is promoting consciousness be talking about love?
Isn’t Love the most important human experience?
Why is it more important to start with Peace and not Love? Because, when one puts Peace before Love, Love becomes automatic, and we can begin to comprehend the true meaning of Unconditional Love.
If you decide to read my book, you’ll hear me talk about the over-intellectualization of our feeling or not giving feeling any thought at all. The new-agers love to talk about love, sending love, surrounding with love, be love. This can be equated to “putting the cart before the horse.” (As you get to know me better, you’ll find out I love horses, therefore, I love horse metaphors.)
I AM NOT KNOCKING LOVE or discounting its importance. Experience shows us, to truly comprehend and FEEL Love on a deep level. One must be at Peace. BE-ing at Peace creates that sense of ONE-ness where Love and Unconditional Love are manifested as real, reality.
By saying Peace vs. Love, I am not saying the two are at war with one another. Instead, it is a suggestion on where to begin.
We’ve been indoctrinated to an idea of love and/or what love is “supposed” to be and have not taken the time to connect with ourselves on a deep level to really comprehend what love means to us on an individual basis.
Ultimately, it is each individual’s choice as to where they focus their attention. How many of us have been wounded by love and someone says to you, “He/She really does love you. They just don’t know how to show it”? Shouldn’t this be a wake-up call to us to let go of the old ways of expression rather than allowing the authentic self be trapped by the ego where we feel wounded or pissed-off? Hint; when you are stuck in the ego, the ego is actually pretending to be wounded or pissed. Your authentic-self KNOWS differently.
In our human form, we came here to express, and one of the things we came here to express is love. I am suggesting that we may want to re-evaluate our path to love. I am suggesting that putting Love before Peace might be the more difficult route.
In expressing the concept of putting attention on seeking Peace before Love, people have begun to express honestly that they don’t really know what Love is. Hurray!! That means they have chosen a new path to find what it is they are seeking. “Seek and Ye Shall Find” – Matthew 7:7. ASK – SEEK – KNOCK
Regardless of whether or not my ego is involved, a great sense of passion arises in me when I see that moment of still point, that look of wonder, and the body language that is triggered when someone is presented with the idea that “when you put attention on Peace that Love becomes automatic, effortless.”
By the way, I’m a big advocate of “integrating” thought and feeling while learning to be in “Heart-Centered Consciousness,” but that’s another topic for discussion and something discussed in my book, “Why Bother? Because Self-Help is Never Stupid.”
Before I go, I’d like you to consider there are those who are afraid to admit they don’t know what love is out of some irrational fear or belief that by not knowing love on a deep level, they must be a bad person. That’s called denial. If God is love, and if you live in denial, consider that by not exploring love on a deeper level and only exploring love on a perceived overly emotional level that you might actually be denying God and the god in you.
Why bother, to deny Love or Peace? It’s irrational.
At great risk to my reputation; this is where I will break one of those so-called spiritual laws; “let go of the need to defend yourself” or some crap like that and let my ego take over. Yes, this is sarcasm and a little joke for those who have read those laws. I defend my position by saying that I feel, it is more important to begin with Peace then Love, because when one is at Peace, love begins to flow automatically. It flows with an authenticity that may create feelings, but they are authentic feelings without attachments. From here flows a true sense of Freedom.
So much more to come….Namaste for Now! Together again in KNOW TIME!