Denial of a Different Form – Soul Pilot – Chocolate Anyone? Chapter 4 – Part B, from my Book; Why Bother?

Denial of a Different Form – Soul Pilot – Chocolate Anyone? Chapter 4 – Part B, from my Book; Why Bother?


This post might be a little cheating on blog writing, but it’s not going to cheat you. In my book; Why Bother? Because Self-Help is Never Stupid, I talk about denial, its’ many aspect, the danger of denying our emotions, and the problems that are miscreated when we push our emotions way down below the surface where they lie dormant and fester ready to explode massively, like a volcano.  It’s why so many of us walk around pissed-off, in pain, numb, or overly sensitive. It’s also why I’ve got that big volcano in the background of the book cover. 

Here I am going to share a short excerpt, from my book, that discusses a different aspect of denial.  I am a proponent of exploring both sides of anything, exploring multiple facets, and playing on the spectrum of life until you find a place that feels like home, authentic, rare and real.

So here it is.  Song links at the bottom. Enjoy:

Part B. Denial of a Different Form

There is another form of belief around denial. There is a belief that to be enlightened, we must let go of all our earthly wants, desires and cravings; that we must deny ourselves (deny yourself?). Here again is something that has been taken too literal. While giving up anything for a period of a time has value, such as TV, sugar, chemical-laden food, and, particularly, idle chatter in the brain, there remains that possibility that giving up everything permanently has the opposite extreme and does allow fulfillment of the authentic self. Where is enjoyment in this belief? It’s difficult to have a flame of passion when the pilot isn’t lit. Shouldn’t you – “Let Your Soul Be Your Pilot” – Sting. How can you have joy without the action of participating in something that creates joy?

While this form of denial can lead to the emptiness required so that we can refill the kettle and start cooking with passion, living only an inward journey without participating in an outward journey can leave you feeling just as hollow as an outward journey without an inward journey. Going to temple on Saturday, going to church on Sunday, or going to any other service without really digesting the good or not being able to digest what you are being force fed is going through motions without fulfillment. Our lessons must be both palatable and digestible. If not, you need to find another place to eat, eat at home, or go on a liquid fast for a while, both physically and metaphorically. Keep in mind there is a key in the word “service” as, often, those who are the most fulfilled live in some type of service to others.

If you crave something, then taste it, as long as you aren’t sucking someone else’s blood physically, energetically, or otherwise. If your cravings tend towards causing yourself or other people pain, you need to deny yourself and seek professional help. Having some Hungarian lineage, I’ve encountered that feeling of having the life blood sucked right out of me.

Much of the problem we face starts when we allow marketing to manipulate us into thinking we need something outside of us to bring us satisfaction, and we are obsessed by not denying ourselves anything. This is fairly obvious in the outside world; we’ve got that concept intellectually under control even though we still buy into trappings. Those who are on an inward journey succumb to buying crystals, oil, incense, and more. Me, too! They are beautiful, they smell beautiful, and they are powerful tools, but they are still just the tool. It’s our job to implement the tool.

Often we crave things we “think” we want but are left unsatisfied or bored when we get those things. Then we are left wanting more or something else. We end up accumulating a bunch of crap, and the shit piles get deep. We feel disappointment. This is the time to look inward. We should be using the crap as compost and turn it into fertilizer.

By not cultivating the inside and the outside of self, we can create the false feelings of unworthiness or entitlement to the extreme. We start to deny ourselves based on unworthiness and fear of disappointment, and we tend to take on the expectation of wanting someone or something else to fix or fulfill us. If you need a Band-Aid (the aid of a band, music and sound) then use it.

Sound and vibration help break up stuck patterns and vicious circles, especially the vibration of words from the past that haunt us. We have to be open to listening; recognizing that we have options and choosing the sounds that create harmony for us.

Those who don’t feel they have support but have a strong will (solar plexus chakra), will want to seek support from reliable sources and not expect support from those who are incapable of offering it. Ayah Asher Ayah (explanation to follow in the chapter on intentions).

The concept of “you have to want it for yourself” and “find your own answers” contains the element of personal responsibility, which lowers your expectations. Help is there if you want it, but you have to crave it for yourself. It’s not about letting go of craving but tapping into what your soul craves. How about craving peace? Can you feel that?

Taking an outward journey without taking an inward journey defies the laws of our nature. It is in embracing both the inner and outer that turns our natural world into the supernatural that knows no fear.

Now that was a deeper level. So if you really are just craving a piece of chocolate, go ahead, for God’s sake, have a piece of chocolate. Just let it be. Allow some things to be a pointless pleasure; laugh and play with purpose and without. Seriously, did I say, “Let It Be”? Okay, then, The Beatles, just not fried or chocolate-covered. EW.

Soul Pilot – Sting

Let It Be – The Beatles

Breath and the Death of Abuse – featuring Breaking Benjamin

By now you are getting the idea that music is inspirational to our healing. In the preface of my book, I quote “a great humanitarian – And dear friend for years:” just kidding, that’s a line from All That Jazz. But, I do quote a very highly respect musician; someone who I admire.

“That’s one of the greatest things about music. You can sing a song to 85,000 people, and they’ll sing it back for 85,000 different reasons.”—Dave Grohl

     I’m working a little backwards with this post. Typically, I will write, and a song magically shows up that is perfect for the piece, and I get to giggle. Today, I was inspired by this song.

     Breath is something that I practice with purpose daily. Breath is the beginning and the end of life. Breath creates a divine, direct connection to pure source. Breath is something we hold onto when we are stressed. Breath can come with a sigh of relief. Breath can pick us up. Breath can calm us down.
You get it by now, right? Breath is vitally important. Common sense would tell us that, but how often do seem to fuhgettaboutit, when we shouldn’t?

     In any meditation, spiritual practice, massage, relaxation or energy technique, a good facilitator always reminds you to breathe. This brings me to my inspiration song of the day: Breath – Breaking Benjamin “Breath” – Breaking Benjamin. Lyrics here:

     The regular readers are get that abuse, trauma, particularly childhood sexual abuse is my soap box. A lot of songs are written about relationships, but I really understand what Dave Grohl was trying to say. Wait, he’s not in Breaking Benjamin. Yeah, I don’t think he cares about me not using one of his songs in this post.    

     So this is what this song means to me, and how do I relate it to abuse. Take this lyric: “I see nothing in your eyes, and the more I see the less I like. Is it over yet, in my head? I know nothing of your kind, and I won’t reveal your evil mind.” This is exactly how I feel about abusers and pedophiles.

Abuse victims know how hard it is to “let go.” It’s not that simple. If it were we would. We pray for it to be over in our head. What many don’t seem to understand is that CSA creates a life-long PTSD to varying degrees, and we are left with being triggered by certain words or events that send us into a downward spiral. We have to learn not to beat ourselves because society judges us for not letting go when there has actually been a chemical change to our brain. No wonder the veterans have such a difficult time.

     We can learn to forgive, but we don’t have to forget. Forgetting only comes when it isn’t important enough to remember anymore. I can’t forget because there are too many who are suffering, and they need help to find their path to end suffering.

     I always remember focused breathing. I’ve practiced A LOT. Letting go is the wrong place for an abuse victim to start, and so is focusing on love or the heart. For me staying present, aware, and at peace starts with acceptance. Here’s a little something for you to remember to stay out of being pissed-off. If you like it, maybe it will entice you to come to the Heart Pillar workshop which will be available very soon.  

acceptance jpg

As for the rest of the lyrics from Breaking Benjamin’s song- “Breath:”
So sacrifice yourself, and let me have what’s left.
I know that I can find the fire in your eyes.
I’m going all the way, get away, please.

You take the breath right out of me.
You left a hole where my heart should be.
You got to fight just to make it through,
’cause I will be the death of you.

This will be all over soon.
Pour salt into the open wound.
     This is what sexual abuse does, it leaves a hole in our heart, but when we allow ourselves to accept what was unacceptable and heal, we can learn to fill that hole with compassion, and even love.
So many who don’t understand what we are going through, throw salt into our wound. We can choose to walk away from that. We want abuse to sacrifice itself. We want it to get away. We are determined to go all the way into complete healing of ourselves. And…those of us who are no longer silent, are going to be the death of abuse.