This post might be a little cheating on blog writing, but it’s not going to cheat you. In my book; Why Bother? Because Self-Help is Never Stupid, I talk about denial, its’ many aspect, the danger of denying our emotions, and the problems that are miscreated when we push our emotions way down below the surface where they lie dormant and fester ready to explode massively, like a volcano. It’s why so many of us walk around pissed-off, in pain, numb, or overly sensitive. It’s also why I’ve got that big volcano in the background of the book cover.
Here I am going to share a short excerpt, from my book, that discusses a different aspect of denial. I am a proponent of exploring both sides of anything, exploring multiple facets, and playing on the spectrum of life until you find a place that feels like home, authentic, rare and real.
So here it is. Song links at the bottom. Enjoy:
Part B. Denial of a Different Form
There is another form of belief around denial. There is a belief that to be enlightened, we must let go of all our earthly wants, desires and cravings; that we must deny ourselves (deny yourself?). Here again is something that has been taken too literal. While giving up anything for a period of a time has value, such as TV, sugar, chemical-laden food, and, particularly, idle chatter in the brain, there remains that possibility that giving up everything permanently has the opposite extreme and does allow fulfillment of the authentic self. Where is enjoyment in this belief? It’s difficult to have a flame of passion when the pilot isn’t lit. Shouldn’t you – “Let Your Soul Be Your Pilot” – Sting. How can you have joy without the action of participating in something that creates joy?
While this form of denial can lead to the emptiness required so that we can refill the kettle and start cooking with passion, living only an inward journey without participating in an outward journey can leave you feeling just as hollow as an outward journey without an inward journey. Going to temple on Saturday, going to church on Sunday, or going to any other service without really digesting the good or not being able to digest what you are being force fed is going through motions without fulfillment. Our lessons must be both palatable and digestible. If not, you need to find another place to eat, eat at home, or go on a liquid fast for a while, both physically and metaphorically. Keep in mind there is a key in the word “service” as, often, those who are the most fulfilled live in some type of service to others.
If you crave something, then taste it, as long as you aren’t sucking someone else’s blood physically, energetically, or otherwise. If your cravings tend towards causing yourself or other people pain, you need to deny yourself and seek professional help. Having some Hungarian lineage, I’ve encountered that feeling of having the life blood sucked right out of me.
Much of the problem we face starts when we allow marketing to manipulate us into thinking we need something outside of us to bring us satisfaction, and we are obsessed by not denying ourselves anything. This is fairly obvious in the outside world; we’ve got that concept intellectually under control even though we still buy into trappings. Those who are on an inward journey succumb to buying crystals, oil, incense, and more. Me, too! They are beautiful, they smell beautiful, and they are powerful tools, but they are still just the tool. It’s our job to implement the tool.
Often we crave things we “think” we want but are left unsatisfied or bored when we get those things. Then we are left wanting more or something else. We end up accumulating a bunch of crap, and the shit piles get deep. We feel disappointment. This is the time to look inward. We should be using the crap as compost and turn it into fertilizer.
By not cultivating the inside and the outside of self, we can create the false feelings of unworthiness or entitlement to the extreme. We start to deny ourselves based on unworthiness and fear of disappointment, and we tend to take on the expectation of wanting someone or something else to fix or fulfill us. If you need a Band-Aid (the aid of a band, music and sound) then use it.
Sound and vibration help break up stuck patterns and vicious circles, especially the vibration of words from the past that haunt us. We have to be open to listening; recognizing that we have options and choosing the sounds that create harmony for us.
Those who don’t feel they have support but have a strong will (solar plexus chakra), will want to seek support from reliable sources and not expect support from those who are incapable of offering it. Ayah Asher Ayah (explanation to follow in the chapter on intentions).
The concept of “you have to want it for yourself” and “find your own answers” contains the element of personal responsibility, which lowers your expectations. Help is there if you want it, but you have to crave it for yourself. It’s not about letting go of craving but tapping into what your soul craves. How about craving peace? Can you feel that?
Taking an outward journey without taking an inward journey defies the laws of our nature. It is in embracing both the inner and outer that turns our natural world into the supernatural that knows no fear.
Now that was a deeper level. So if you really are just craving a piece of chocolate, go ahead, for God’s sake, have a piece of chocolate. Just let it be. Allow some things to be a pointless pleasure; laugh and play with purpose and without. Seriously, did I say, “Let It Be”? Okay, then, The Beatles, just not fried or chocolate-covered. EW.
Soul Pilot – Sting
Let It Be – The Beatles
Some of us walk the line for a while until we figure out where it’s taking us, decide where to cross, or get off it altogether.
There’s a fine line between genius and insanity. We’ve all heard that right? When we hear about crossing a line, that’s usually when someone is pissed-off. Have you ever considered that along a line, there is more than one place to cross, and you can move back and forth on either side of the line, or even walk it for as long as you like? Are you pretending the line doesn’t exist, are you in denial, or have you crossed over into a deeper knowing, and awareness that you don’t want to play there anymore?
How was this post inspired by the featured picture on FB? People were commenting how they felt betrayed by friends. I was lucky to find a few friends to help me awaken and support my healing journey. It was family that I perceived as having betrayed me. I was groomed to, “keep my mouth shut and keep the peace,” “bury it.” They have a different perception of “just let go,” then I do. Silence betrays ourselves and betrays others who are facing the same challenge of abuse. To support myself, I had to appreciate that my family’s ignorance was to be my strength, and forgive their inability to accept my choice to speak up. That doesn’t mean that I have to continue to play on their ball field.
Interesting since my dad was a WWII Vet. Where would we be if we had not stopped Hitler? What would things be like if Hitler had been allowed to continue? Where was dad’s line when it came to accepting that I had been sexually abused? Why did the family feel that I crossed to the wrong side of the line by speaking up rather than offering support? Is lack of support a betrayal? Or is that a perception? When we experience this, is it about you, me, us, or is it about them?
Another’s silence can be perceived by the abused as betrayal, especially when the abuser is still in your life, and never confronted by the people you are seeking support from. You begin to feel even worse because instead of receiving any type of validation you are told in a disapproving manner, “you need to let it go.” Again, where is the line? However, this could be about our expectations, and we would be better off if we let go of expectation. There is much ignorance around abuse, trauma, PTSD, its symptoms, and its effects:
Go where you are celebrated, not where you are tolerated.”—Unknown
Whose side are we on when it comes to abuse, ours or theirs; the victim or the victimizer? Why do so many, especially families, want us to stay silent? Why do they find our battle silly, and not worth it? It is really about your worth, or their self-worth? Or is it simply about fear in the form of shame, and embarrassment? While you may still be challenged dealing with your own self-worth because of fear and doubt as we all are, where and when do you decide to draw the line, cross it, or step off altogether to support yourself? You may be ready to let go of your fears, but they may not be ready to let go of theirs. Family never encouraged me to speak up, but I encourage you stand up; speak up. Support yourself and the universe, multi-verse will give you what you need. Silence perpetuates abuse. Abuse is a line that continues to be crossed, and the line must be vanquished.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tWOmfOah–o Fireflight – “Stand Up”
Be mindful of not playing the victim, regardless of others assuming that’s why you are doing while you are simply trying to understand your own feelings. This is only a caution so that you don’t get stuck in being a victim. The ideal would be to comprehend what happened, but step beyond survival and recovery.
Excerpt from my book – Why Bother? Because Self-Help is Never Stupid
In dark times, can you feel your Dark Knight Rising or allow your inner Superman to bring about truth and justice within you? Have you seen times when you have brought forth truth and justice that it opens the door for others to do the same? Are you willing to stay out of your ego and accept those times when others are not ready, willing, or able to tap into their inner superhero?
We all have choices as to what to fight for and what to let go of? Right? Where do you draw your line? Who or what do you choose to stand-up and fight for? How do you decide what’s worth fighting for and what to let go of? Do you check into your heart, body, mind, and soul to see what kind of quaking is occurring? It’s your choice and no one else’s. Is the Dark Knight rising in you? What would it mean to the world if we helped not only the victim (the abused), but also the victimizer (abuser)? If we let go of judgment and both got help, would awareness be the key to substantially reducing the problem of not only sexual abuse and all types of abuse?
Another excerpt from my book:
Particularly, with abuses, there is so much denial and there are so many kinds of abuse: sex, drug and alcohol, substance, verbal, emotional, physical, domestic, financial. It’s all abuse of power and denial comes into play on the part of both—the abuser and the abused. Then there is neglect. All are affected. It’s nearly unfathomable to think that abuse of some sort hasn’t affected every single one of us on this planet on some level. Someone should write a song about “excuse for abuse.
Thanks to Mama Bear’s Voice for their FB post and Healing from Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD for giving me the idea to write this and create some awareness and strength in numbers.
Here’s a couple more songs for today:
Pleasure and Pain” – Divinyls https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rH8hcfhG1Jo
There are a few words in this Paul McCartney song that I would like to hear from my family, but accept that I may never get what I want. It’s just not that important. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hudi955n2gs Paul McCartney – “Fine Line”
When we talk about lines, how can we not think of this Johnny Cash classic? When you hear the words, “because your mine,” think of your own healing, which is the most genius thing you can do in this lifetime. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KHF9itPLUo4