In my book, “Why Bother? Because Self-help is Never Stupid,” I address ego in Chapter 10, titled “Know Thyself.” This chapter expresses my belief that if we wrong our ego, we are invalidating a part of who we are. As we awaken, we learn to know ourselves better, and when we feel our ego rise up, sometimes shouting, we can learn to listen it and understand what is going on inside of us.
The ego does not subside by dismissing it. We must learn to embrace it like any other relationship so that we get to know it, and get it to cooperate where eventually it integrates, and we become whole again. Understanding our ego and all the facets of our ego will help us know ourselves. The ego resides in the full spectrum of who we are, and is essential to understanding what we came here to do, a big part of which is the experience of being human.
Pissed-off, numb, in denial, or heightened emotions are functions of the ego. When we find ourselves, asking the question, “what the hell is happening,” and stating, “but I’m a good person, this shouldn’t be happening to me,” who better to help you understand what is going on than the ego?
In comprehending the difference between when circumstances are outside self, and when they are inside of self, the ego can be our ally. When we start to understand our own ego, we can look at the reactions of other’s differently. We can begin to respond to some else’s ego from a place of merciful sorrow and joy.
If you maintain a regular practice of meditation utilizing the chakras, the high-heart which is an additional chakra, and extension of the standard seven, is a very good place to focus because it reveals discernment, mercy and co-operation. Remember co-operation does not mean conform.
As part of the evolutionary process of who we are, we must learn to stop wronging the ego. It is important for the ego to mature as much as our intellect. In how many partnerships have you heard someone say that the other one never grew-up? It’s not about growing old. It’s about maintaining a youthfulness into maturity. Utilizing the high-heart chakra will assist.
This does not mean play into the immature part of the ego. It means, get to know all aspects ego. It shows you how you respond, and if you choice it allows you to respond better, more effectively, more graciously, and more merciful. The ego is not your enemy as we have been taught in the past.
When we talk to the ego and teach it that it is safe, it settles down. It wants to be told, everything is going to be okay. It can serve to help us recognize exactly that, everything is divine and perfect when we operate from an integrated soul level of awareness. HOWEVER, it takes some practice before we recognize that this is a very practical way to heal.
Fear is a product of feeling fragmented. We come in to the world whole. Then life happens. We feel separated from God when that is merely an illusion of being separate from god (the god within all of us). The fragment parts of self are crying out to be reconnected; united in harmonic oneness. There you will be together again, which leads to two songs for today’s post. “Together Again,” by Evanescence. Evanescence – Together Again and Sting – The Book of My Life Sting – The Book of my Life.
See if you agree how fitting they are when it comes to talking about fragmented parts of self, and the desire to be whole again.
Don’t forget to buy the book, and comments are welcome! Namaste, my friends.
Suck it up.
Keep a stiff upper lip.
Shake it off.
Brush it off.
Ignore it. Toughen up. Get a thicker skin.
You better learn to take it.
Oh boo hoo, bully for you. (the sarcastic version)
If you are going to cry, I’m going to give you something to cry about.
How many of us remember hearing these expressions? In some ways, they are a “minor thing” (there’s a song hint), and they do have the power to build character. In other ways, they create chaos. This can be the beginning of being taught feelings are wrong. For little things, these statements may have some value. Certainly, we don’t want to be in a perpetual state of heightened emotion and over-reaction, but what about when something traumatic happens? Abuse leaves you in a state of confused terror.
Is it important to develop coping skills, and a sense of stability? Of course. However, when something tragic happens, these types of words whiz through our heads, causing us to feel bad. Rather than courageously speak up, we shut down. Likely, some other expressions run through our minds like, “no one wants to listen to you whine, or no one cares what you have to say.” No one cares, hmm…yeah, why bother, to speak up, if no one cares anyway. You are supposed to brush it off.
There comes a point in our healing process, that it is beneficial to view both sides of the coin with the words that created a devastating impact on us.
Through my practice of consciousness, funny little occurrences remind me just how important it is to not only fully comprehend and learn to release painful experiences, but also recognize that not everyone that not everyone is ready to wake up. As I tear down walls, I get an intuitive urge to reach out to someone just to say, hey it’s been a long time, hope you are well, stuff happened, I wasn’t trying to be aloof, I was learning to cope. I find it easier, and easier to do that, mainly because I have no attachment whatsoever to the outcome.
Sometimes, a divine spark will occur that creates a wonderful reconnection. Other times; not so much. Here’s an example; I got a response from someone who said, “whatever happened to you, you hid it well.” I burst out laughing. While I cannot be certain of the intent of this comment, I sensed this person was taught being silent is like a badge of honor, and maintaining the fake smile was the absolute best way to resolve anything, bury it, shove it down, shake it off. Maybe this is just my warped sense of humor, but to me this was simply an experience in recognizing that while some are waking up, others are sticking to the old story.
Sucking it up, only has value when we use it to take responsibility for our own healing, not when it is used to ignore or bury deeply rooted issues that cause stress in our environment.
When we take a little time to examine the deficit and the benefit of words, it becomes easier, to take the next step which is to breathe, and say to ourselves, “yes, it’s time to let that go.” Take it one step further, and feel it fragment, dissipate, and disappear. Hold that feeling a little longer. Really dive into the feeling of dissolve. There doesn’t that feel better?
Here are the songs that came up while creating this blog: Did you catch the earlier hint?
Red Hot Chili Peppers – Minor Thing Red Hot Chili Peppers – Minor Thing
Korn – Did My Time; If Korn is not your taste, at least read the lyrics. Korn – Did My Time Korn – Did My Time Lyrics
Sting- Sister Moon; okay this song doesn’t not have a whole lot to do with this post. It was the last song that came up as I was writing, and it just has such a sultry feel, that it resonates the feeling of dissolve for me. I hope is does for you too. Sting – Sister Moon
Please don’t forget to comment or buy the book – Why Bother? right here on the website! Namaste!
Scottsdale, Arizona – Sexual abuse survivor, Martha Du’Sage combines her fondness for rock music with conscious awakening to demonstrate profound healing IS possible. It was this formula that allowed her soul to break free from the crushing grips of emotional pain caused by sexual abuse. Weaving over 80 songs with the messages in her new book, Why Bother? Because Self-‐Help is Never Stupid, she shows how connecting with music and lyrics gives voice to those who have not yet found theirs. The artistry of music adds an uplifting element to our tumultuous lives, inviting us to find the music, harmony and vibration of our soul.
As the author likes to say, “Sometimes you just don’t know, what you just don’t know, until you know it,” From time to time we all about ourselves the question, “why bother?” Written to encourage a deeper knowing, and appreciation for why it is important to bother in this mad world, the author believes we all want to step beyond mere coping and into moments of peace, joy and fulfillment. Du’Sage muses, “Anger, frustration, and stress are triggered by the ego’s reaction to something that occurred in the past, and holds us hostage from living a more ideal future. Pain, abuse and suffering cannot be transformed by trivializing or denying its existence.”
Heart-‐centered consciousness while becoming mainstream is often misunderstood, or perceived as weird, yet offers kindness, gentleness and compassion to everything. It is through integrating the heart with all aspects of self that brings truth, light and beauty to the darkness that resides within us all; thus, allowing all parts and all voices of self to harmonize. Hence, this is a big “why bother” of the book.
Living through heart-‐centered consciousness, knowing and integrity provides a sense of strength, courage, support and comfort while facing the sometimes-‐uncomfortable truth of reality. This book acknowledges that problem solving is not always as simple as “just sending love,” as many New-‐Age philosophies teach. It runs a full gamut of topics, including creation, miscreation, co-‐creation, ego, embracing and acceptance of all aspects of self and others, forgiveness, abuse, dysfunction, meditation, as well as exercises to process fear and anger, but with an element of lightness and humor that isn’t always common in self-‐help. Why such a wide range? Because: our life experiences span a wide spectrum, which is broader and deeper than just accepting the good with the bad.
Interspersed throughout the book, the author offers ways you can begin to change your perception that will guide you towards, peace, renewed passion for life, and joy. Here are five things to focus on to assist you in remembering your mastery.
Primary things we must do or learn in order to master third dimension:
- Get to know the self, get to know the ego. Knowing yourself will guide you to what you came here to
- Let go of the right fears. Let go of the fears that hold you back from living a fulfilled life.
- Focus on breathing and awareness more often and more regularly while placing thoughts on peace. Breath and awareness leads to present moment.
- Try to stay in the present moment as much as possible. Recognize when you are and aren’t.
- When you get knocked off, get back on the horse named Present Moment as quickly as possible.
- Remain in integrity. This will break the karmic cycle that keeps us stuck in destructive patterns, and allow humanity to evol
A vast majority of us are in need of support, and emotional healing. If you need help overcoming abuse, trauma, or other emotional injury, owning your own copy of this book will help you heal. You’ll want to read it again, and again, as each time, you will find more value.
The book, Why Bother? Because Self-‐Help is Never Stupid was officially released on October 23rd, 2014. Learn more at http://whybother.homestead.com/. (Published by Know Time Communications, 2014, ISBN 978-‐1-‐62747-‐053-‐7 Paperback $14.95, 978-‐1-‐62747-‐054-‐4 E-‐book $8.99 http://marthadusage.com)
About the Author:
Martha Du’Sage is a best-‐selling author who focuses on heart-‐centered conscious knowing and is a devoted supporter of victims of abuse. Currently, she is in the process of developing several workshops, including “The Heart Pillar” which was introduced in this book and is a powerful tool in creating a pillar of personal empowerment, and over-‐riding past hurts. She offers a variety of private sessions to help you discover the “I AM” in you. For more information, please contact Martha at email@example.com and visit http://www.marthadusage.com.
About the Book:
The book, Why Bother? Because Self-‐Help is Never Stupid was officially released on October 23rd, 2014. Learn more at http://whybother.homestead.com/. Published by Know Time Communications,
2014, ISBN 978-‐1-‐62747-‐053-‐7 Paperback $14.95, 978-‐1-‐62747-‐054-‐4 E-‐book
$8.99 Why Bother? Because Self-‐Help is Never Stupid is available on http://marthadusage.com and Amazon paperback and Kindle versions.
Review Copies and Media Interviews:
For a review copy of Why Bother? Because Self-‐Help is Never Stupid for an interview with Martha Du’Sage, please contact firstname.lastname@example.org. When requesting a review copy, please provide your email address and indicate your preferred method of electronic delivery: ePub, mobi or PDF.
Firewalking, Rebar, Glass, and Arrows; what do these things have in common? Well, they all played a role in a Firewalking workshop I participated in this past weekend, facilitated by Phoenix Transformational Services from Las Cruces, NM, and hosted by the Southwest Institute of Healing Arts, in Tempe, AZ. Thanks to both; it was a great event, and turned out to be much more than a firewalk.
I know a lot of people who would say, why would you even want to try that? Well, I have lots of reasons why I would walk fire, but I still don’t think I’d swim with Sharks. Hmm…I just realized that’s a metaphor for another book, one I’ve never read, but I like the title. It also occurs to me that I may have swum with a few sharks or maybe a barracuda (save that as a song hint).
What can I say, I’m a bit of a pyromaniac at heart, and I am a fire sign. I’ve got lots of stories involving fire that would strike a few questions. When I got the e-mail advertising the Firewalk, I got hit with an intuitive spark. Suddenly, it occurred to me that I was severely burned before I was 2 years old, and still carry the scar today. Me, being me, always alert for cues and enjoying word play, my next thought was, Hmm…that burn scarred me, but didn’t really scare me.
Likely it was 2nd degree, but who knows it could have been a 3rd. I had a cup of scalding, hot coffee spilled on me, and all I remember is my mother saying that the skin peeled away when they took my shirt off. Like everything involving my family, not much else was ever said, and even if you asked, the answers were ambiguous or sarcastic. After a while, you quit asking because…well you know; it becomes insane. I am fairly certain I’ve finally let go of wondering how I ended up in that family. Remembering my parents were fond of instant coffee (yuck), and how the water was always scalding hot, and having other memorable burns throughout my life, I can only imagine how that burn must have felt.
Working with abuse, and the trauma it causes, I still often ponder what causes one memory to stick, and another to have little or no relevance. It also occurred to me that even with all the conscious, unconscious, and energetic journeys I’ve taken to embrace the emotional impact sexual abuse has had on me, I’d never really explored this burn event. It was natural for me to accept that it was truly an accident without malicious intent, because that is the truth, but the scar is there to remind me every day that it happened. Knowing what I know now, there likely were unconscious elements challenging feeling safe and protected, particularly at such a young age. I’m certain it was some sort of set up for the future, and time for any unconscious remnants to leave.
With those thoughts influencing me, I didn’t hesitate to sign up. I also realized that I have been burning myself physically and metaphorically my whole life. That was one of those “of course” moments, since I see it as more evidence pointing to a definitive connection between the mind, body, spirit, how we create, how we store experiences and their impact in our bodies. Along with that is knowing that what we create unconsciously is there to offer us hints if we allow ourselves to see them. Something was showing up, asking to be released. It actually would make more sense to say transformed, since fire is a representation of transformation. Regardless, it was time to stop burning myself, believing that I always get burned, and that I tend to burn myself in many ways.
So did I have to ritually, walk the fire to prove to myself that I could? No, not really. It was more about being in action, and having the experience. It was an opportunity exercise in humility, and an opportunity to be an active participant in my own life, experiencing what being limitless feels like. I chose to show up for myself. I’ve always been fascinated by seeing others perform extraordinary feats that defy typical human comprehension. I know it’s more than just mind over matter. It comes from a deeper level of awareness, and breaking down outdated belief systems.
Having already practiced getting into altered states of consciousness, I showed up with no fear of walking the fire. However, when we were presented with some other challenges, like breaking an arrow with our throats, my comfort zone was a little rattled. Now, this might sound silly to some of you, but I wasn’t so rattled about breaking the arrow, as I was deciding and stating what breaking the arrow represented for me. In other words, what fear it was that I intended to break through. I’ve broken through so many, but with all integrity, I have a few still hanging around. Like being overly concerned about setting my intention in a calculated and precise manner, as if it were life and death. It’s not like I don’t have pages of carefully thought out intentions written down already. Maybe I was rattled in just picking one. Silly.
Truth be told, my biggest fear is of being alone. Even though I summoned the courage to walk away from my ex-husband, I still hear the ex’s voice saying, “if you ever leave me, you will die alone, because everybody hates you.” My ego says, “if you end up alone, your family will have been right about you the whole time. You should have just remained their target of belittlement, and kept your mouth shut about the sexual abuse. They see it as you being the only one with the problem.” Plus there is still the memory of that nasty voice saying, “what makes you think you’re so special.” Granted, I know it’s all lies and b.s., but the ego slips in once in a while to test my commitment to defeating the issue of abuse. It’s not an unbending, stubborn stance, as my family sees it. It is a dedication, and commitment to transformational change that is absolutely possible in a limitless capacity within realism.
Still, when I decided it was my time to break the arrow, I didn’t say I wanted to break through my fear of being alone. Instead, I said I wanted to break through my fear of being heard and noticed, which has to do with more successfully putting myself out in the world to write, speak, facilitate and teach about breaking through all types of abuse using conscious awareness. In all reality, it is connected to being alone because it is their voices that are still causing me a small amount of fear, but in an ever reducing proportion to my determination to assist others eradicate the after-effects of their abuse. Even though I know I am not alone, the physical act of breaking this arrow with my throat, metaphorically offered a representation of what I needed to never feeling lonely. It shattered. See Below:
Often abuse victims will isolate themselves because for a while during the healing process, it is easier to tuck ourselves away from triggers than it is to recover from them. It gives us time to learn how to shatter the arrow headed towards us before it hits the target; the target being us. Truth be told, feeling alone is not exclusive to survivors, and is not the same as lonely. All humans have a fear of being alone, abandoned, betrayed, lonely, separated, or isolated, even the hermit. This is where remembering our own divinity plays a magnificent role.
Back to the event itself, next up was walking on glass. Yeah that was no big deal to me. It’s all in the navigation, but I do understand why others had a fear. We’re taught to believe that broken glass cuts, and it can. I’ve actually navigated over glass in bare feet following a creek trail I used to visit numerous times. Now the rebar, bending that by pressing it against your trachea, that made me sit on the edge of my seat. After watching it, a couple of times, I asked myself if I really needed to do it?
Then I remembered the courage I had to summon to jump off the 30-foot cliff at Fossil Creek, AZ. The waterfall itself, is 20 feet. That time, my daughter shook her head. My boyfriend was annoyed. My sister laughed, but didn’t walk her ass up there, and all the teens and college students cheered on the 50-year-old woman. I admit it wasn’t pretty. Someday, I will go back and redeem myself, but none-the-less I did it.
The rebar is bent with a partner, and being there alone meant I had to find a partner, and trust that partner. Really… so ridiculous that it takes more courage to ask someone to do something with me then it does to actually do the scary thing. It all comes down to belief, not power of positive thinking. Positive thinking alone can get you hurt, and so can fear. I’ve actually written about how the power of positive thinking can create sabotage in my book; Why Bother? Because Self-Help is Never Stupid. Are you ready to read it yet?
The ability comes from conscious intention, and believing in yourself. It’s not even a matter of altered state of consciousness. It is important for your vibrational rate to be raised, which it naturally is when you believe. Our facilitator, Marvin did a great job of making sure the energy level was in the right zone. This is what I encourage all who are stuck in victim mode or still in survival mode for that matter; believe you can heal. Believe you can get beyond the hurt that you will never forget, and someday you will. Remember to be patient with yourself, that divine timing exists, and to be grateful for how far you’ve already traveled.
It may seem like I am getting off track from the event, but that is only because events like these always have a deeper, more profound meaning, if we allow ourselves to explore that on an integrated level of awareness. If you don’t allow it to integrate, it won’t have the same empowering impact. None-the-less, I found my partner easily, without anguish, and we did it; we bent the rebar. Third challenge complete.
Now it was time to walk the fire. Yes! Bring it on! Anyone who thinks this is a parlor trick, let me tell you that those coals are 1200 degrees or higher. The first time through, I walked the 21 feet alone. Yes! The second time, someone I just met asked, “want to do it again, together?” “Hell yeah, I want to go,” and honored to do it with a new acquaintance.
Just as we approached the pit for our turn, the facilitator decided it was time to stir the coals. That means hotter. Hell Yes! The third time through, I walked slower and much more deliberate, really testing the limits, or should I say my sense of being limitless. This girl (Peter Pan Syndrome) is done with the ingrained belief of being limited. At the other side, my new friend said, “you walked that like you owned it.” Yep, that’s what I did, and that’s what I am doing with my life. After all, you can’t really own anything else in this life, but your experiences. What seems like a simple act, can show you how doing something different or being in action can have a profound effect in many areas of life.
On a final note, I’m pretty sure having someone I just met, and may never bump into again, ask me to walk the fire together, was my sign, that I am not alone, never was, and never will be. I’ve got a real sense of empowerment now over that fear and limiting belief.
Oh, and one more thing, only what you fear hurts. Remember that when you still feel like you’ll never get past whatever you are struggling with. Instead embrace it.
So what songs can we relate to with this post? A lot of songs about burning fire, are too obviously about sexual desire, and hard to spin to this post. How about the classic by James Taylor and Carole King, “Fire and Rain?” Fire and Rain – James Taylor & Carole King And I like, “Barracuda” by Heart since this song exemplifies the sisters expressing their empowerment by not allowing their reputations to be tarnished by false immoral actions. I hope they shattered the ego of the ass hole who wanted them to pretend to have an incestuous relationship. I love how well the song, and the story blended into this post, and its purpose. YES! Rock on Heart sisters! Barracuda by Heart
A blip from the song:
If the real thing don’t do the trick
You better make up something quick
You gonna burn, burn, burn, burn, burn to the wick
Oooo, Barracuda, oh yeah